The Importance of Working with an Ideal

Creating a Vision for Your Ultimate Development

While many of us have been trained to the idea of creating a vision for our life in terms of lifestyle, professional career, relationships, health, etc., few of us embrace the importance of forming a personal ideal of ourselves that we use as the means of growing and developing ourselves. Yet, the interesting fact that many fail to realize is that all other goals and accomplishments we set for ourselves and our life, depend on our personal development for achieving in a natural and maintainable fashion. Our life comes as an outgrowth of ourselves. We create our life through a fundamental form of self-expression. By changing ourselves and acquiring new abilities, all other areas of our life change accordingly. If we try to change areas of our life without first changing the part of ourselves that’s naturally producing and maintaining it, we tend to struggle, become frustrated, and usually fail or give up in a relatively short period of time, often, without ever knowing why.

Another fluffy comment that’s popular these days is the idea that you’re perfect just the way you are. This idea is usually referring to various forms of judgment from other people, or self-esteem issues formed around not being good enough for some reason. Yet self-perfection, as a personal ideal, which is the ultimate and only real spiritual goal, is something we not only decide for ourselves, but are also fully responsible for creating. Nobody can work on us to develop us for us (intentionally), just as no one can heal us. All healing and self-development is something that we do for ourselves by how we use our mind to control our thoughts, our behaviors, and the activities that we naturally engage in. In much the same way we create a vision as an ultimate outcome, achieved through systematic steps and stages as goals necessary for achieving the outcome, we create an ideal of ourselves as being the best we can be, and then aspire towards it by intentionally drawing on and actively developing latent potential, healing emotional and psychological issues that prevent our development, or being the way we want to be in terms of our character and morality.

Perfection can be thought of as taking an idea in its ordinary state, and turning it into the ultimate form of that idea as its highest possibility. Perfection is whatever perfect means to us. No one else can tell us what perfection means, or what qualities we need to develop in order to become perfect. Perfection is a standard and quality of being. Our concept of self-perfection as our ideal self, is something that we must soul search in order to realize, then want it bad enough to devote ourselves to doing what it takes to become it. Our personal ideal has nothing to do with material possessions, wealth, status, or creating a superficial image of ourselves that portrays how we’d like to be seen by others. It comes as an essential part of our character and inner nature that’s developed internally by always showing up and being the best we can be in any situation. It comes by developing qualities that evolve our character to a higher level of awareness and self-control, which forms the foundation necessary for a whole series of positive changes to take place automatically as the natural offspring of new qualities of consciousness. The most natural way to create congruently in all areas of our life at the same time, is to always start by consciously creating our character. Setting standards based on our values for who we are and how we’re going to be in every aspect of our life, and then holding ourselves to our own standards without exception. Out of our character everything else comes in an effortless and spontaneous manner.

Many spiritual traditions, which are all focused on self-development from a moral perspective of character, provide a system for understanding qualities of consciousness as possessing opposite, yet complementary aspects of each other, as vices and virtues. Vices are poor character traits that form weakness that lead to various forms of addictions and moral degradation, and are predominantly destructive in nature. Virtues are positive character traits based on moral strength, fortitude, and justice, and provide the means for transforming vices and predominantly constructive and beneficial in nature. Virtues are qualities of higher levels of consciousness that are strengths that lead to growth and moral nourishment, and naturally produce very positive and constructive results in all areas of your life. Vices are selfish and hateful, whereas virtues are loving and selfless in nature, and act naturally to produce a sense of harmony, pervading contentment, and happiness not only for ourselves, but for everyone involved. Virtues expand our awareness and increase our ability to both give and receive higher forms of knowledge and unconditional love.

Anytime we’re creating in an intentional manner, we have to start with a vision (internal representation) of what we’re creating as a desired outcome and experience, so we know what the process for creating it will be. Though your ultimate vision for your ideal self may take many steps to accomplish, it’s important that you work on only one step at a time, and don’t start the next step until that one is well established and a part of your natural way of being (built into your subconscious). One of the ways we set ourselves up for failure, is by trying to take on too many things at one time creating a feeling of being overwhelmed and therefore struggling, or by scattering our energy in too many directions by trying to do too much all at once. The acquisition of a new quality requires complete concentration and devoted practice over an extended period of time in order to build it into the muscle, where it becomes a natural way of being that no longer requires conscious effort.

Even with steady concentration and determination in staying with a task for an extended period of time, you may relapse many times throughout the day by becoming unaware and falling into habitual tendencies where you momentarily forget what you’re doing. This is natural, and when you realize you’re off task, simply re-center (remind) yourself in your desired intention, adjust whatever you need to adjust and continuing practicing. By repeatedly bringing yourself back to the task at hand anytime you forget and continuing to practice without getting discouraged, the new quality you’re cultivating and behavior associated with it will begin taking hold, and you’ll be able to stay focused for longer and longer periods of time. All forms of intentional creation come from your ability to concentrate your efforts in staying focused on what it is you’re creating long enough for it to start taking hold and become a habit.

The approximate time for breaking one habit by replacing it with another, is approximately forty days, or six weeks. The amount of time for simply establishing a new habit that doesn’t involve breaking an old one, is roughly three weeks (half the time), or twenty one days, and it’s fully established (permanent) at around six weeks. This gives you an idea of the amount of time you should plan on dedicating to each step of your development. You’ll also develop the ability to concentrate and stay with something for long periods of time, commit to devotional practice, and develop the patience it takes to accomplish a major feat (which a behavioral change is). You can consider your goal accomplished when you become that way automatically, and no longer have to think about it, or put forth a conscious effort in doing it. All behaviors are learned and conditioned (trained), and likewise, can be unlearned and reconditioned. Our initial development was a predominately unconscious process, and all we’re doing here is making it a fully conscious process undertaken with a deliberate and determined attitude.

In order to realize what your ideal is as your highest potential, simply allow yourself to realize that everything you need to achieve it already exists inside of you as the qualities, talents, natural gifts, and interests that you naturally possess. No matter what stage of your life you’re at, you’ve only brought a small portion of your potential into expression, while the greater part of yourself as unrealized potential remains dormant inside of you. Parts of you may have been developed in a negative way through your initial conditioning, which you can transform into its opposite, positive quality. For example, fear and cowardice (often displayed through anger, hysteria, or defensiveness), can be transformed by embodying courage and confidence in its place. Hatred and a sense of animosity, can be transformed with love, acceptance, and compassion. Whatever is the opposite quality is what’s used to transform an existing bad quality or destructive tendency. Every quality, which has a behavior inherent in it, exists in a dual state of complementary opposites (sympathy and antipathy) as a positive or negative expression of the same quality of consciousness. Just as hot and cold are degrees of the same thing, and light and dark are degrees of the same thing, love and hate, fear and courage, humility and confidence, are all degrees of the same thing, and its opposite can be used to transform it gradually by degrees. In order to begin practicing, start with smaller things or ideas that don’t produce a strong emotional charge or aren’t intense in nature, and are therefore easier to manage, and gradually work your way up to ideas that trigger you emotionally causing strong reactions.

Our state-of-mind (quality of consciousness) is created by 3 aspects that are always in-sync with each other. These three aspects are what we focus on, what we tell ourselves about what we’re focused on that makes it mean something, and what we’re doing with our body. Our physiology is a direct reflection of our state-of-mind as the quality of consciousness we’re employing at any given moment. If you can’t control your attention and thoughts, you can learn to control your body and how you’re behaving instead. We can employ a quality by modeling the behavior associated with it. Just like when we were kids, we play acted and pretended to be like our favorite characters and role models, we utilize the same techniques as adults. Pretend like you’re an actor and particular character in a certain type of story playing a specific role in telling that story.

If you want to develop confidence, for example, find someone that you consider confident and study them. What is it that they’re doing that makes them seem confident? What’s their posture like, their attitude, body language, and how do they hold themselves? How do they speak, the tone, speed or rate, and emphasis? What are their facial expressions, demeanor, and idiosyncrasies? How do they dress? Study them, elicit their strategy, and then imitate them. Practice until you feel comfortable being that way and incorporating your own style in how you do it. Then practice being that way in general. Practice it as a normal way of being in all areas of your life. Notice that when you change how you’re acting, that you experience yourself in a new way. You feel different and sense yourself in a different way. Step into the feeling and embrace it with a new level of awareness. Allow yourself to kind of fall in love with how your feeling and being. Get a sense of pleasure in being that way. Allow yourself to feel empowered by it, not in an arrogant or conceited way, but in an expressive, uninhibited and expansive way. Notice the freedom it allows and new levels of self-expression that are very powerful in terms of not only the freedom you feel, but the response you get from others who are forming an impression of you and admiring you. Be an actor in your own life, and take it all in. After a while, it’ll become natural and normal.

In order to acquire a quality by practicing and becoming it in mind and body, we have to have a good enough idea of what that quality is like in terms of attitude, emotions, demeanor and behaviors so that we can practice being that way by imitating it. Don’t worry that you’ll be copying somebody, because the process of imitating is what allows your own style to come forth, you simply need a starting point as a kind of template for producing it. Once you begin practicing, you’ll come into yourself in terms of being that way, and you’ll produce your own unique version of it. We need a channel of expression in order to find our own style for doing things. Your style for being exists within you like your fingerprint or signature, and simply needs to be awakened and given a channel for outward expression until you start feeling comfortable and natural being that way. Keep in mind that in the beginning you always feel a bit (or a lot) awkward and out of place, like your not being yourself, because it’s new and you’re not used to it. But just keep practicing as if you’re an actor in the play of your life, and after awhile it’ll start feeling completely natural to you, and you’ll begin automatically feeling that way, and perceiving life from that attitude and perspective. All it takes is dedicated practice and a spirit of renewal and self-realization by bringing forth parts of yourself that up to this point in your life, you’ve never really experienced before!

 Dr. Linda Gadbois

Transpersonal Psychologist, Mind-Body Medicine Consultant, and Spiritual Teacher