Love, Desire, and Union – The Nature of the Ego and how we Shape Ourselves

Whatever idea we accept, believe, and use to perceive ourselves through, we become like in nature, and use to shape ourselves into the same image. We’re always creating our self-image by what we admire, associate with, and mold ourselves to be like. There has been a significant and gross misinterpretation of the term “ego” and what it means, which is our identity or the “I” and “I am” which is our spiritual self and what gives us individuality as a self-made being. We have two forms of ego, just as we have two minds, souls, and intrinsic natures, one formed out of our true self or higher, divine mind, spelled with a capital “E” (Ego) and the other formed out of identification with our body and material circumstances, properly called our “false ego”. Our identity is formed in the most basic sense by whatever we associate with and align ourselves with, and by the relationships we form and maintain for extended periods of time. Whatever we become a part of, merge into and actively participate in, we become like in nature. As we become one with another through the relationship we form with them, the nature of the interaction that takes place stimulates correlating character traits in us, causing us to become like them in nature, and the shared traits are then developed to different degrees through the dynamic that takes place.

Whatever we blend with, merge into, and form a close and consistent relationship with, we become like in nature. As we actively participate in a behavioral dynamic born out of a particular mode and quality of consciousness, it acts to stimulate and bring out certain aspects of our character that are complementary in nature, and we become a variation of ourselves based on the new mixture or formula of traits, formed by what’s emphasized and embellished and what’s not, and through this new version of ourselves, we evolve ourselves through the natural behaviors and mindset that result from it. The longer and more consistently we maintain and exist within the relationship or situation, the more conditioned or habituated we become in being that way. As we settle into playing a particular role in a particular type of relationship, we begin looking at life through a different attitude and perspective that changes our perception of life and simultaneously changes our perception of ourselves. As our perception changes and we begin forming different types of experiences, we shape ourselves by way of the experiences created. The most basic form of growth and development throughout our life come through the relationships we form and maintain for extended periods of time.

Our identity is either something we determine and take control of consciously, with a sense of intention and in a deliberate manner, or it’s something that occurs and takes shape in an automatic and unconscious manner based on how we’re stimulated by others and our environment. If we simply float along in life, going wherever the current takes us, doing what we imagine we need to do to get along and fit in somehow, and we haphazardly end up in situations that are intended to fulfill needs and desires of some kind without a direct awareness of what we’re doing, and how it is we’re doing it, then we become a product of our environment. When we live our life unconsciously we form our entire identity around other people, our life situations that we simply end up in, our material possessions and station in life, and the roles we play. Many people don’t really have a strong our clear sense of who they are or feel a distinct purpose for their life when they’re all alone, and look for a relationship, job, or situation to wrap themselves around and build their identity out of. They need another person to tell them who they are by acting as a mirror for them, or through the nature of the interaction that takes place, how they’re treated, how they feel about themselves because of the other, and what type of dynamic as a thematic or dramatic story of some kind that they cooperate in playing out as a joint experience.


Like always begets more of what’s like itself, and so we are attracted to those who are of a compatible and complementary nature to us, and who have been conditioned and imprinted with the same issues or tendencies that we’ve been, and who cooperate fully in acting out the same dynamics in a somewhat unique and novel way. This cooperative effort sets the stage for giving us the type of experience that we know and are familiar with, and forms the type of behavioral dynamic we’ve been conditioned with. Those who are of a different nature than we are, we don’t naturally enter into relationship with, and if we do, it doesn’t last very long. Attraction and chemistry is something that takes place at a purely unconscious and instinctual level, where we recognize those who are of the same nature and conditioning as we are, and as a result, they stand out to us and we naturally gravitate towards them.

Anytime we form our identity out of our material life circumstances and relationships, we’re acting to bond ourselves energetically and spiritually to the material realm, which is animalistic, ego driven, mortal in nature, and temporary at best. When we rely on others, our situations and circumstances to tell us who we are, we engage in a fundamental form of false identity and whatever we identify with we become like and need in order to know who we are. When we shape ourselves according to our material existence we equate ourselves to our animal (lower) nature, and by bonding with our material existence, we keep ourselves reincarnating back into a material body in order to know who we are, and we fail to ascend as a consequence. When we fail to accurately recognize our true identity as divine spiritual beings, we tend to become a slave to our material needs and desires, and reside primarily in our lower nature, where, if we do this over a period of several lifetimes, we become mortal, and lose our identity and self-awareness altogether, blending back into the group mind of humanity as a species of the Earth’s instinctual field.

Whatever we love, we also desire, and what we desire we seek union with. Desire is another phenomena that has been greatly misinterpreted to mean something bad or wrong. Yet desire, like ego, and every other concept, exists in polarity as opposites that are complementary in nature. All ideas that we engage in on the material plane also works on the higher planes as a direct correspondence. The way in which we monitor and develop ourselves is by whatever we love, have a desire for, and willingly form union with. As we unite, we calibrate our vibratory frequency to the same quality and level of consciousness. The true question becomes what is it that we love and are always acting to seek out? If we love our material existence, believe that we’re our body, and get our sense of self from material things that are outside of us that can be lost, taken away, or die, then we tune ourselves to the vibration of being mortal. We live in a constant state of insecurity and fear. Love always brings fear. Love and fear are complementary opposites in a world of temporary ideas that all end with the death of the body. Whatever we acquire physically, we shed and step out of at the death of the body, and so it’s not eternal in nature. We lose our sense of self, and immediately look to incarnate again into a new material body as a means of self-expression and being able to know who we are.


Likewise, when we form a love for the spiritual world and the things of the spiritual world, we desire and long for it, we unite with it, and we become by way of the union. Our spiritual identity as our soul, apart from our body, is not external to us or apart from us, is not found outside of us, but is completely of an internal nature. Which means, it can’t be taken away, we can’t lose it, and when the material body dies, it remains fully intact and able to ascend to a higher plane of spirit by resonating with that plane because it’s no longer bonded to the material world. Our spiritual nature does not depend on material ideas, and comes primarily by developing our character as qualities that we embody, that act to change our perceptual lens and how we’re being in the world. As we develop ourselves by habituating qualities as ways of being, it changes how we perceive and experience things, and alters, modifies, or grows our level of consciousness accordingly. This type of growth is actual and real, and once it becomes a part of us, it’s within our full control and cannot be taken away or threatened. It becomes a permanent part of who we are.

Because loss and compromise are no longer a possibility, all fear dissipates, and we love, desire, blend and bond with our true nature, and in doing so dissolve our attachments and connections to the material world. We exist in a totally self-contained manner, secure and content. We experience ourselves as being in this world but not of it. We identify instead with our spiritual nature, and desire union with God as our Higher Self, instead of with another human being or life situation. We lose our desire for all things material and become instead a channel for good to work in the world. We no longer feel a need for someone or something to tell us who we are, we no longer look to fill a need or want of some sort, we no longer need to try and control others and situations, or always acting out of a selfish agenda of some sort, and so we work instead as an administrator that works exclusively for the good of everyone involved. We become universal in nature, instead of identifying with our body. We become non-local instead of local. We have no needs of the material world outside of caring for our body and well-being. We place ourselves at the service to humanity instead of expecting humanity to serve us.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Personal Transformation Coach and Spiritual Mentor

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Mentoring / Coaching / Consultation for personal transformation and spiritual growth
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