Love, Desire, and Union – The Nature of the Ego and how we Shape Ourselves

vesica-pisces       Whatever idea we accept, believe, and use to perceive ourselves through, we become like, and we shape ourselves into the image of it. We’re always creating our self-image by what we associate with and mold ourselves to be like. There has been a great misinterpretation of the term “ego”, which is the identity or the “I” and “I am” which is our spiritual self that gives us our individuality. Our identity in terms of “who” and “how” we are being, comes through association and what we align ourselves with and become by way of. Whatever we become a part of, merge into and actively participate in, we become “like”. As we become one with another through the relationship we form with them, the nature of the interaction and how we sense ourselves through the interaction, we sense ourselves through, and it serves to shape us.

Whatever we blend with, merge into, and form a relationship with where we are actively participating in a dynamic of some sort that’s born out of a quality of consciousness and level of maturity, stimulates and brings out in us certain aspects of our character that are complementary in nature, and we “become” a variation of ourselves as a new mixture or formula of traits, based on what’s emphasized and what’s not, and through this new version of ourselves, we develop ourselves in that way. The longer and more consistently we maintain and exist within the relationship or situation, the more conditioned or habituated we become to “being that way”. To playing that role, to looking at life through a particular attitude and perspective that as it changes our perception of life, it simultaneously changes our perception of ourselves. As our perception changes and we have a particular type of experience by actively participating in a certain way of being, we “become” by way of the experience it creates.

Our identity is either something we take control of and determine, or it’s something we go through automatically or in an unconscious manner by simply floating along in life, doing what we need to do, and haphazardly “ending up” in the situations that lend themselves to fulfilling needs and desires of some sort without any actual realization of what we’re doing. In this way we form our entire identity out of other people and situations, our material possessions and station in life, and the roles we play. Many people don’t really have a strong our clear sense of who they are or feel a distinct purpose for their life when they’re all alone, and look for a relationship with another person or situation to wrap themselves around and build their life around. They need another person to tell them who they are by acting as a mirror for them, or through the nature of the interaction that takes place, how they’re treated, how they feel about themselves because of the other, and what type of dynamic as a thematic or dramatic story of some kind that they cooperate in playing out as a joint experience.


Like always begets more of what’s like itself, and so we are attracted to those who are of a compatible and complementary nature to us, and who have been conditioned and imprinted with the same “issues or tendencies” as we have, and who cooperate fully in acting out the same dynamics in a somewhat unique and novel way. This cooperative effort sets the stage for giving us the type of experience that we know and are familiar with, and know “how to be” in relationship with. Those who are of a different nature than we are, we don’t naturally enter into relationship with, and if we do, it doesn’t last very long.

Anytime we’re forming our identity out of the material realm in some form, we act on ourselves to bond ourselves energetically to the material realm, which is mortal in nature, and temporary at best. When we rely on others, our situations and circumstances to tell us who we are, we engage in a real fundamental form of false identity. We equate ourselves to our animal (lower) nature, and by bonding with our material identity, we keep ourselves reincarnating into a material body and we fail to ascend. We fail to accurately recognize our true identity as spiritual beings, and we become instead, our lower self.

Whatever we love, we also desire, and what we desire we seek union with. Desire is another phenomena that has been greatly misinterpreted to mean something bad or wrong. Yet desire, like ego, and every other concept, exists in polarity as opposites that are complementary in nature. All ideas that we engage in on the material plane also works on the higher planes as a direct correspondence. The way in which we monitor and develop ourselves is by whatever we love, have a desire for, and willingly form union with. As we unite, we calibrate our vibratory frequency to the same quality and level of consciousness. The true question becomes what is it that we love and are always acting to seek out? If we love our material existence, believe that we’re our body, and get our sense of self from material things that are outside of us that can be lost, taken away, or die, then we tune ourselves to the vibration of being mortal. We live in a constant state of insecurity and fear. Love always brings fear. Love and fear are complementary opposites in a world of temporary ideas that all end with the death of the body. Whatever we acquire physically, we shed and step out of at the death of the body, and so it’s not eternal in nature. We lose our sense of self, and immediately look to incarnate again into a new material body as a means of self-expression and being able to know who we are.


Likewise, when we form a love for the spiritual world and the things of the spiritual world, we desire and long for it, we unite with it, and we “become” by way of the union. Our spiritual identity as our soul, apart from our body, is not external to us or apart from us, is not found outside of us, but is completely of an internal nature. Which means, it can’t be taken away, we can’t lose it, and when the material body dies, it remains fully intact and able to ascend to a higher plane of spirit by resonating with that plane because it’s no longer bonded to the material world. Our spiritual nature does not depend on material ideas, and comes primarily by developing our character as qualities that we embody, that act to change our perceptual lens and how we’re being in the world. As we develop ourselves by habituating qualities as ways of being, it changes how we perceive and experience things, and alters, modifies, or grows our level of consciousness accordingly. This type of growth is actual and real, and once it becomes a part of us, it’s within our full control and cannot be taken away or threatened. It becomes a permanent part of who we are.

Because loss and compromise are no longer a possibility, all fear dissipates, and we love, desire, blend and bond with our true nature, and in doing so dissolve our attachments and connections to the material world. We exist in a totally self-contained manner, secure and content. We experience ourselves as “being in this world but not of it”. We identify instead with our spiritual nature, and desire union with God as our Higher Self, instead of with another human being or life situation. We lose our desire for all things material and become instead a channel for good to work in the world. We no longer feel a need for someone or something to tell us who we are, we no longer look to fill a need or want of some sort, we no longer need to try and control others and situations, or always acting out of a selfish agenda of some sort, and so we work instead as an administrator that works exclusively for the good of everyone involved. We become universal in nature, instead of identifying with our body. We become non-local instead of local. We have no needs of the material world outside of caring for our body and well-being. We place ourselves at the service to humanity instead of expecting humanity to serve us.


Dr. Linda Gadbois

Integrative Health Consultant and Spiritual Mentor