Self-Realization and Empowerment – The Art of Keeping Yourself Separate from Others

Posted On March 8, 2022 / Written by Dr. Linda Gadbois

One of the things that make fundamental ideas of what we call “reality†seem elusive and difficult to understand in the most practical sense, is because reality exists as a basic form of paradox. A paradox is formed when two ideas exist simultaneously as a part of the same reality while appearing to contradict and disprove each other, yet at the same time, both are true and usually result from taking a different perspective in considering the same phenomena. Reality itself exists as what we can call a “single realityâ€, where we appear to be one with everything around us and exist as a “part†or aspect of that same reality, while at the same time we experience our self as being separate, alone, and often independent of everything around us. While we perceive ourselves as being here, and another person is over there, and there’s space and distance between us that separate us from one another, at the same time we realize that we’re always being influenced by the other person not only energetically in terms of a “feeling†we get from them, but also by their physiology, demeanor, and what they say and do. Especially when their behavior is somehow directed towards us, and their comments are in regard to us.

In order to understand this idea in a practical way, we have to break it down into elementary terms and form it in our mind as a working concept. What we refer to as our “self†is also our mind, which is the energetic field we emanate that vibrates at the frequency of our “mental model†(paradigm) which is constructed out of all our memories which operate as a form of “semi-closed systemâ€. All our perceptions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors result from and are what act to express our mental paradigm as a means of forming a consistent experience of reality. Our mental paradigm exists as a kind of holographic model where every aspect (beliefs, values, preferences, and memories) exists in harmony with every other aspect and each serve to support and validate each other. Our model of the world is a “coherent model†as a “mental state†that forms the “lens we look through†to perceive others and the world around us.

Our mental paradigm exists as a cohesive model of interrelated ideas that are all melded together through a process of adaptation that modifies them into a personal variation, which then systematically emerge out of each other through a process of association. It forms a dynamic living pattern which vibrates at a specific frequency. All vibration has both a pattern (dynamic model) and a self-organizing mechanism inherent in it. This means that whatever our vibratory frequency is as a holographic model “acts on†everything around us to select (activate and call forth) only the information that’s of a similar nature and acts to assimilate the selected bits of information into a congruent pattern that serves as a variation (modified version) of itself. We only see in others what’s like us, and we use this reflection of ourselves as the means of perceiving and experiencing them. We always act on everything around us to “remake it†in our image while imbuing it mentally with the same qualities and characteristics that we possess intrinsically. Our mind works through the Law of Vibration and creates the reality of our thoughts through resonance and sympathetic induction.

In order to understand how resonance works in the most basic sense, we have to create a model that serves to demonstrate how it functions. Imagine yourself standing in a room with two guitars that are both “tuned†using the “same†tuning device and set them across the room from each other. If you pluck the string of a “C†note on one, it will vibrate the same “C†string on the other. The vibration of the one being plucked (the active aspect) “enters into†and vibrates that same note in the other (the passive receiver), and they vibrate in harmony with each other. As they begin vibrating in harmony with each other it amplifies and intensifies the sound. This same principle operates through our mind, which is an energetic system in terms of how it operates in organizing the outer world to match the vibration set in our inner world of thought and feeling. Whatever our vibration is as the “qualities and characteristics†that make up our “mental model†acts to bring those same qualities and characteristics alive in others and in everything around us as our “perception†of it. As we encounter what you might think of as a greater unified field of information that exists outside of us in a passive (neutral) and unformed state, we perceive it “through†our mental lens which acts to only bring out in it what’s of a similar nature to us, and we create an experience of “ourselves†in them. We don’t “see them†as they actually are, apart from and different from us, but rather as we remake them to have the same qualities and characteristics as we do. Once we act to bring out in them what matches us in terms of our character, these shared qualities then form the nature of our interaction, and we reshape them to reflect back to us our own thoughts about them. We can only see in them what first exists as a part of our own constitution.

This can be difficult to realize in the most basic sense because our mental paradigm is formed out of both our conscious and unconscious mind, which means we easily see in others the same traits and qualities that we also possess but have denied having, refused to express, and have repressed consequently. Once we repress aspects of ourselves that we don’t like, they remain active inside of us and continue creating at the unconscious level where they form a fundamental part of our outer reality. When we encounter these repressed aspects of ourselves in another or in a situation of some kind, we form a distinct reaction to them. This creates a fundamental illusion that presents itself as a paradox that comes about naturally through “polarityâ€. The aspects of ourselves that we accept, like or find admirable, we include in the image we form ourselves and when we encounter those same aspects in others, we form a similar response to them. When we encounter aspects in others that we have repressed due to how we judged ourselves for having them, we react to them by forming the same judgments. Our judgment comes as the commentary that accompanies the reaction itself as what we begin telling ourselves about the other person, or what the situation means about the people involved.

This idea is very important to understand, not only as a means for seeing into our own unconscious nature, but as the means for understanding how to not let other people’s attitudes and perception of us affect us. It helps us in forming a clear realization that what someone says or does, whether it’s directed towards us or not, is a reflection of “them†and has nothing to do with us unless we make it about us. Their actions only serve to reveal their character and mindset, but when you allow it to trigger a reaction in you, it calls forth in you those same characteristics, causing you to become “like themâ€, or as a means of making their ideas about you true. Whatever feelings, emotions, and thoughts you allow to enter your mind and take hold, you turn into a reality. We tend to do this naturally without realizing it because we exist primarily in a semi-unconscious state where we function in an automatic way based on memory. But once we begin recognizing what’s happening, we can use our mind in a more conscious and deliberate way to prevent it and keep things in their proper perspective.

When we exist in a primarily unconscious state we tend to be in a constant form of reaction, either to others and the events of our life, or to our own thoughts. We approach everything from a semi-unconscious state where we’re fairly self-contained and consumed in our own thoughts about things, yet as soon as we’re triggered somehow, we instantly go into an automatic reaction. The trigger comes as an emotional zinger (intense inner stimulus) that prompts and calls forth a memory as the dynamic we use for producing an automatic reaction. The emotion that acts as the activating mechanism is directly connected to a memory where the same emotion was playing out, and subconsciously we instantly reference that memory by saying “this means the same thing as thatâ€, and we react by displaying the same behaviors. As we react, it causes an equal reaction in them, where it escalates, and it simply goes back and forth where we’re both creating out of an unconscious state of “auto-pilotâ€. This same process continues when long after the event has past when we continue to think about it and replay it in our mind, forming a reaction to our own thoughts. We keep ourselves in the same state of mind due to the fact that we can’t seem to honestly let it go, and it keeps playing out as random thoughts that run through our mind unattended throughout the day.

An easy way to understand our unconscious mind, which is also called our lower self or animal nature, associated with our personality, comes in realizing that it doesn’t “think†in terms of reasoning or discernment, and is always in a reactive state of some kind because it functions instinctively through emotional impulses. It exists outside of “time†and is always present in the moment, while receiving constant information as impulses from everything around it. Instinct comes as “memory†that has behaviors inherent in it, and as an animal is stimulated by a feeling or emotional charge of some kind in the environment around it, it triggers an automatic reaction. The reaction formed doesn’t come by analysis of what’s stimulating it, or by thinking about what to do as a strategic response, it comes instantaneously as a behavioral pattern. As we’re stimulated emotionally by an outside source we go into an automated process where our conscious mind temporarily shuts down and we act out the same behaviors that we formed out of memories of the past where we were being stimulated in the same way.

This is what it means to live out of a semi-unconscious state where you build whole realities out of emotional reactions that keep you locked inside of a constant form of delusion. When we use the term “unconsciousâ€, many don’t understand what it means because we equate unconscious with meaning we’re not awake and aware, because they often fail to comprehend that we actually have “two aspects of our mind†that function together in producing our experiences of what we call reality. When our unconscious mind dominates by running our thoughts, we live out of a constant form of reaction, whether in relation to others or in response to our own thoughts, and we use memories of the past as the lens we look through in the present, replaying the same ideas over and over, reshaping the present to be of the same nature as the past, while our conscious mind simply “observes our delusions†in a self-aware manner. Emotions are designed to keep us locked into automatic processes where thoughts run through our mind in an habitual manner, and is the number one way we’re not only “controlled by othersâ€, but also fail to use the creative capacity of our conscious mind, by learning how to instead direct our own thoughts while deflecting the emotions being transmitted through the atmosphere by others.

The â€conscious†aspect of our mind comes as our “thought lifeâ€, where we think and form internal concepts as a way of directing our own subconscious through a form of “virtual memoryâ€, and as a way of internally “generating†emotions in response to our own thoughts. There’s a very dynamic relationship that exists between thought and emotion, where one is always directly connected to the other in an equivalent manner. When we passively absorb and take in emotions being transmitted through the atmosphere by others, they serve to render us unconscious by directing our thoughts in an impulsive and automatic way, seemingly beyond our ability to control them. When we form thoughts out of a calm state, where we’re not being stimulated by an outside force, as we shape our thoughts into a sensory reality in our imagination, we generate emotions in response to our thoughts, which not only act as the motivating force that determines how our thoughts become expressed, but also forms the vibratory frequency that we act to transmit through the atmosphere around us. Thought is a function of our higher, creative mind, and emotion is the motive force of our lower, expressive mind. Our body is the vehicle for our higher mind to express through. The only question in any moment is which one is determining the other, and which one is running the show in terms of how it is we’re creating our experience of ourselves through the reality we’re forming using both aspects of our mind in harmony with each other.

Observing Your Own Internal Processes

One of the keys to becoming self-directed is to learn how to observe your own internal processes that occur in a completely natural way without your direct awareness of them. Once you begin seeing how these automatic processes work you can begin developing your own methods for working with your mind and the mind of others in a conscious and intentional way. To do this, sit quietly in a place where you won’t be disturbed, quiet your mind of all the chatter, and recall a memory of an instance where you were upset by something someone said or did. Don’t associate into the experience by reliving it emotionally, but instead remain just outside of it where you can observe the interaction in a somewhat objective way, as if you’re another person watching it from a detached perspective. Picture the invisible aspects operating in the situation in your mind by turning them into imaginary concepts. As the person said or did whatever it was that caused you to react, notice where the energy of it entered your body and stimulated you. As you feel the stimulus in some part of your body, what emotion did it immediately give rise to? Once the emotion was active inside of you, what memory did you immediately associate to it that was formed out of the same emotion? Allow yourself to recognize that your reaction was formed by how you “interpreted†what was said or done, and that interpretation formed a recourse as the basic pattern inherent in the memory that formed how you reacted (being mad, upset, angry, hurt, sad, etc.). What meaning did you give the memory that served to form how you experienced it and what story started playing out in your mind as a result?

Concentrate all your attention on the invisible forces that were operating in the situation as a form of “energetic transmissionâ€. Then, clear your mind, and recall the same memory while playing out a different mental scheme. Imagine your mind is a clear sphere of energy that surrounds your body while extending outward 3 to 4 feet and acts as a form of protective barrier that prevents the energy being projected by others to enter your mind and stimulate you internally. This clear sphere or egg-shaped bubble not only acts as an energetic barrier, but also a transparent movie screen or lens. Picture the same thing happening, except this time it hits the outer periphery of your mental sphere, where instead of entering your body, it plays out more like a movie you’re watching from a dissociated state. You can see what movie the energy is impregnated with as a way of seeing the other persons thoughts and what’s playing out in their mind from a detached perspective where it’s not affecting you in any way and you remain calm. As you keep it outside of yourself and you simply “witness it†from a detached state, you not only get to see it as it (they) really is apart from you, but you also act as a mirror to reflect it back to them, allowing them to see themselves as they really are.

All reactions come by absorbing and taking on the energy being projected by others who are in near proximity of you. As you absorb the energy that’s pregnant with the thoughts and intentions of others and you let them take hold and begin growing within you, your mental state changes and you become “like them†in nature. You’re literally being influenced to become like them while unaware of what’s happening or being aware that you’re the one who’s actually doing it to yourself from a primarily unconscious state. Your conscious mind is the aspect of yourself that acts as the “gatekeeper†of your subconscious mind, because it has the ability to think and evaluate ideas from a rational state of reasoning and make “decisions†about what to let in and what to keep out. But it can only perform this duty when we remain aware of what’s happening and therefore able to direct the activities of our own mind. This basic function comes by learning how to keep ourselves emotionally separate from everything around us and in being able to realize what’s happening in terms of how we’re being stimulated by the outer world at any given moment. Through consistent practice we can begin training ourselves in how to not react emotionally to whatever is happening and remain calm and centered in the midst of what would otherwise cause a great deal of inner turmoil, and learn how to see others as they truly are rather than as we remake them to be like us.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Transpersonal Psychologist, Mind-Body Medicine Consultant, and Spiritual Teacher