Relationships: Looking for Patterns in the Chaos

“Recognizing Dynamic Themes as Interactions with Ourselves in Others”

When we realize the true nature of the individual mind as the electromagnetic field that is grounded in, permeates and envelops the body, that is comprised of a dynamic network of interwoven patterns as memory of some sort acquired through various levels of experience which become our psychology as our perceptual lens that works through interpretation to restructure all external and objective reality to be of the same nature (patterning) as we are, we can realize we’re always seeing in others the same qualities that make up our constitution, and how we act on them is actually acting on ourselves in them. The confusion seems to come around two ideas, one as what do we mean by aspects of ourselves as qualities, and a lack of actual awareness of qualities we possess that we are in denial of, have repressed and suppressed that we don’t own or actually know we have as a result.

Aspect of the self, are qualities that form characteristics with behaviors in them as dynamic patterns that are thematic in nature, and contain opposite roles (or variety of roles) that are necessary to act out the theme as a drama of some sort to create an experience as a joint-reality of that characteristic expressed through a story. Everything in life exists as patterns (form as function) as whole ideas that have natural behaviors in them that create specific types of realities. We attract to, and draw to us, those who are ideal for acting out the same story as a joint experience that expresses the shared qualities of their character. So we naturally enter into relationships of various sorts where they possess the opposite and complementary qualities played out through roles to tell the same type of story as a co-creation that validates and supports both peoples belief-systems as a shared illusion (imaginary reality). For example; a person who continually perceives themselves as being a victim of some sort, naturally attracts to and enters into relationship with those who will victimize them. A victim needs a victimizer in order to act out a dynamic together that result in them feeling like a victim. All qualities are natural forces that exist in polarity as opposites that are complementary in acting out the pattern they both share a complementary role in.

Likewise, whatever qualities and character traits we deny in ourselves, and therefore repress by not owning (recognizing) or acknowledging them, we simultaneously project onto others, by assigning those same traits to them by how we interpret their behaviors, then we form a strong reaction to them based on our own interpretation. By this means we see our repressed qualities that we’re not directly aware of because we formed an illusion around them as a story we tell ourselves that serves to deny it, or make it out to be something entirely different than it really is. When we realize the laws governing the mind and the fact that all perception is a form of projection created by looking through the lens of our mind we can realize what our own hidden qualities are, often referred to as our shadow aspects, because they live in the dark within us without any clear recognition, and are projected onto others as what we see in them that’s of the same nature (vibratory frequency) as us. Perception operates according to the principle of resonance. We literally can’t see in others what doesn’t first exist in us. What’s of us, we react to (resonate with), and what’s not, we don’t even notice (have no reaction).

Intuitively, we’re always tuning into the feelings (vibrations) of the heart, which senses and understands everything around it as an inner knowing, and sees (perceive) only that which we also feel by the spiritual (energetic) intelligence (patterning) of the mind through the imagination, which reforms them through an adaptation process as an interpretation that forms an illusion around them as a personification of what is in reality, a neutral and separate person, place, or thing. We then begin to speculate within the realm of our own illusion (imagining according to us) distorting the truth and behold instead our own hallucinations that we mistaken for being real or factual, when in fact, they’re pure fiction.

This is why we say that what a person thinks of you, has nothing to do with you, but simply reveals who they are. Because we’re never really seeing others as they truly are in the objective sense, but through our own interpretations that make them fit into our story about things in a way that makes sense to us as a means of creating our experience of them. And likewise, the same holds true in reverse. Our opinions of others seldom have anything to do with them, but rather express our judgments of them in terms of the same judgments assigned to behaviors that we also possess, and often repress because we judge ourselves just as harshly for the same tendencies, which is why we come to deny them in ourselves. So for the purpose of self-preservation, we distort it with a story that makes the same behavior out to be something entirely different. While the actual behavior is the same, our reason for doing it is different than we imagine another persons reason for doing the same behavior is. We create a reason for it that justifies it while simultaneously validating our right to judge others for what are in reality the same behaviors that we demonstrate.

All perception is in reality a form of self-perception. How we experience someone or something, is completely an inner creation that’s expressing our model of the world, while simultaneously revealing it. This is the minds way of showing us parts of ourselves that we can’t ordinarily see, because the primary basis for all healing . . . is awareness! Once we realize this fact, we can use it to identify hidden aspects within ourselves that we have repressed, and by becoming aware of and acknowledging them we can begin working with them in an aware and intentional manner.

The most basic process for bringing this idea into practice within your daily life is to allow your mind to think about others as you normally do and simply take on an altered, second-person perspective of observing your own thoughts. Don’t judge yourself for having those thoughts, or begin justifying them in some way, but simply notice what they are, and notice what the central theme of them are. As you get a clear idea of what or how you’re evaluating the person or behavior as a value judgment (bad, wrong, stupid, mean, asshole, jerk, slut, etc.), abstract the behavior being demonstrated that warrants the judgment, separating it out from the meaning you’re giving it, and ask yourself . . . how am doing the same thing in my own life? Where and when do I display the same tendencies, while perceiving them in a different way? And what am I telling myself when I do these same behaviors that justify my right to do them? What story do I tell myself that makes the same type of behaviors seem different?

Self-reflection through an understanding of resonance and projection allows us to identify tendencies within ourselves that we are in denial of, fail to recognize or own, or that we have build defense mechanisms around. What we defend ourselves against, we readily see in others and tell ourselves a story about it that exonerates us by persecuting them in the same manner that we have been persecuted. A person who has always been made to feel as if they’re not good enough, for example, will have a tendency to make other people feel the same way in relationship with them, by acting to lower them somehow, or make them feel inferior to them. They’ll do it in the same way (attitude and behavior) that it was done to them. If they we’re constantly criticized, then they’ll do it by having the same tendency to criticize others. If they we’re constantly corrected with an attitude of frustration or intolerance, then they’ll do it to others in the same way.

Our conditioning programs us with whole patterns as interactive dynamics where we are conditioned to the behavioral dynamics we’re raised with, and continue to act out those same dynamics as we go through life in numerous ways. What was done unto us by others, we in return, perform those same behaviors in how we perceive and treat others, giving them the same feeling that we were programmed with. Because these programs are apart of our unconscious make-up, and we’ve built illusions around them that prevent us from seeing them as they really are, we can use our knowledge of projection to recognize hidden tendencies in ourselves as our unconscious programming, and in becoming aware of it, we can begin to work with it in a conscious manner, to change our own mind-set about things and begin developing new patterns of perception and behaviors by actively choosing instead unconsciously reacting. We can begin realizing that the only way the world changes for us, is by changing ourselves, because our perception is what creates the world around us. The outer world is transformed inwardly. Our outer world is produced by and equivalent to our inner world.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Transpersonal Psychologist, Personal Transformation Coach, and Spiritual Teacher

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