All experience in the ultimate sense is a form of imagination or personal interpretation of neutral facts that determine what qualities we imbue things with, which create certain types of experiences. We could safely say that sex is 80% imagination, even when we are actually having it. How we use our mind to create the experience, determines the level of pleasure it offers as a result. Like most things, if we have bad, mundane or uninteresting experiences it’s a direct reflection of our own creative ability and mental attitude to a certain extent. If we simply blame it on our lover, we are not only making a fundamental error in our thinking, but we are missing the opportunity to exercise deeper forms of physical expression by how we first imagine it, “get into it”, act to provoke it, or how we go about it.
The basis of Sacred Sexuality is to bring heightened awareness, absolute presence and a kind of meditative quality of sensory pleasure and spontaneous exploration to the sexual act. As with all of life, we are responsible for creating our own experiences. If we know how to do this and learn to practice it masterfully, our sex life and ability to create intimate experiences by feeling at one with our lover, sex becomes enlivening, fresh, and fills us with deep feelings of desire, openness, and vulnerability. It never becomes boring, ritualistic or mundane, even though our sexual life goes through cycles and stages just like every other aspect of our life does. Each experience is perceived as new, immediate and fully open to whatever the moment calls for. Spontaneity and provocative playfulness must be maintained and encouraged.
Sex is meant to be fulfilling at all levels of our being, not just with the aim of having an orgasm. In Sacred Sexuality, the orgasm is not the actual goal. It is the ability to become fully enthralled with sensuous pleasure that we consciously build and intensify while holding and maintaining it at a heightened level of pleasure that is just short of the actual orgasm. This not only increases our ability to handle more intense forms of energy, but allows us to feel intense pleasure for extended periods of time, rather than a quick fix, or sex that lasts 5 minutes. In Kundalini, we must develop the ability to handle much stronger currents of energy without blowing a circuit. To increase our capacity for higher vibratory frequencies, we have to develop our ability to hold within our body feelings of intense pleasure that are expansive in nature. Love, from an energetic perspective expands, grows and multiplies . . . it increases and amplifies itself. Tantra, as a sensuous art-form, teaches us how to do this.
Sex as an experience of intense love, is extremely gratifying emotionally, as affection that is deeply nourishing, mentally comforting, and promotes feelings of safety that allow for complete surrender and abandon, which is only possible through intimate trust and acceptance by and of our lover. As with all creative expression we have a range that serves a variety of moods – whether sweetly and with great tenderness, or playfully teasing and flirting . . . or aggressive and somewhat animalistic. Whatever serves the imagination and seems appropriate in the moment as a playful and erotic dance between sensuous lovers that is born as a reflection of the moment and allowed to take on a life of its own.
To meditate during sex, or intimate moments of giving and receiving warm delicious affection, is to relax into your body, turn your attention inward and become fully engrossed in the physical sensations that are consuming you with tantalizing pleasure. To focus on the sensuous experience of touch, texture and temperature, wet and moist, or soft and dry . . . or the exotic image of beauty, dreamy and impressionistic, soft flowing curves with no distinct lines. Perhaps your inner response to the smell of warm skin, and the moist breath falling around you like morning dew teasing your mouth to explore and lick as if caressing with your fingertips. Get lost in the moment, and allow time to stand still and disappear from your awareness. Step into the flow and allow your body to respond intimately to/with your lovers every move.
Allow the energy to move through you, as you. Don’t try to contain it, hold it back or make it wrong. Instead allow and encourage by how you respond to it. Be present in the midst of intense pleasure while holding it in your body for prolonged periods. Build and intensify, then hold momentarily . . . then relax. Teach your body how to hold higher levels of pleasure without exploding letting it overwhelm you. Relish in it and allow it to consume you with complete abandon. Then, when you do decide to have your orgasm together, it will reach higher levels of intense pleasure, while lasting much longer. You will be able to experience the intensity of an orgasm for longer periods while not becoming overwhelmed. You will literally train your body and mind how to have greater and greater levels of pleasure as love in physical form. And the best part . . . you share it with your lover as the greatest gift of love, co-created as pure experience.