What Reactive Behaviors are Showing You About Yourself

When You React to Something, it’s Showing you Parts of Yourself that are Operating at an Unconscious and Automatic Level

In order to understand this idea, we have to look at the nature of a reaction, and what actually happens when we react, as well as what it means to heal ourselves in terms of how it’s being used here. When someone stimulates you in a way that causes an immediate reaction by how they’re being, what they’re doing or saying, or how they’re treating you, it shows you parts of yourself that you’re normally unaware of,  either through denial, repression, or conditioning of some sort. Anytime we’re triggered into an immediate reaction, we literally shift mentally into a form of parallel dimension where the illusion begins operating in an automated fashion, and we literally go unconscious in terms of what’s happening and what it is we’re actually doing. We are literally being controlled by the person or idea that’s causing us to react in the most basic sense. Because of this instant, automated factor, we not only create out of an unconscious state, but we do so by repeating patterns born out of memories of the past, which is what gives us the pattern necessary to act out in an automated fashion, requiring no awareness or thought process on our part as to what we doing and why, let alone realizing the consequences we draw to ourselves while in an illusory state.

Reactions have both a triggering mechanism and an automated pattern inherent in them. The triggering mechanism is an emotion that’s directly associated with a past memory where a certain type of drama transpired. Reactions are formed through a natural chain of association where, as soon as we’re triggered emotionally, we instantly reference a memory of the past formed out of the same emotions, pull it forward and use it to interpret the current situation to mean the same thing as the past situation. This is what gives us the automated drama that immediately ensues form the emotional trigger. We react the same way in the present that we did in the past based on how we feel because of what’s happening. No thought process, evaluation of the current situation and context, or present moment awareness takes place. Our mind registers that this means the same thing as that and it sets a blind reaction in motion that usually runs its course before it begins diffusing and settling down. We can be triggered into an instant reaction by a behavior, tone of voice, a feeling, an attitude, an emotion being expressed around us, the words being used, or through an idea being played out that we have strong emotional ties to that form what we call our issues.

Reactions can be both of a good and productive nature, stimulating positive emotions that bring about pleasurable experiences, or of a bad nature formed out of negative emotions that are painful and violent, and ultimately destructive in nature. But no matter what type of experience it causes us to create, it comes by being controlled by whomever or whatever is causing the reaction. This is a basic form of action-reaction, stimulus-response, and cause and effect. We go unconscious in the most basic sense of losing all awareness of what we’re actually doing and create more of the same type of experiences over and over, usually without realizing we’re the one doing it to ourselves. As we create our own experiences of life, whether consciously or unconsciously, we simultaneously shape ourselves by how we associate and identify with our experiences. What we do in a reactive state then becomes the cause for producing an equal or greater reaction in others, and a back and forth movement begins taking place that gains momentum and ultimately escalates. This is the most basic form of repeating the past in the present (self-perpetuating and self-sustaining), being a product of our conditioning and what we call karma, and the basis for all sin as creating while in an unconscious state and unaware of what we’re doing, and therefore creating in error.

The opportunity being offered anytime we’re feeling stimulated inside to instantly react to something outside of us in a pronounced and often dramatic manner, is that it allows us to see what memory formed out of our conditioning is still alive and active in us that we’ve repressed somehow. Whatever emotions and the memories associated with those emotions that we repressed, hid, or denied having and expressing, stay alive and active within us, coming out through explosive behaviors of some kind. Our reactions and inner turmoil show us how it is that we’re still being controlled by outside forces, and how we keep repeating the patterns of the past in the present as a means of determining our future. These patterns tell the same type of story about us, others, and the way life is that ultimately serve to shape our identity and who we are as a person. If we learn to begin examining our own reactions from a detached perspective, it will allow us to see what our karma is in terms of the unconscious patterns and tendencies that we repeat over and over without any actual awareness of what we’re doing and why we’re doing them. It allows us to see things about ourselves that we don’t normally see or recognize, because we have a counteracting part of us that acts to validate and justify our reactions through the story we tell ourselves that make them seem real and true, and therefore justifies our right to feel and act the way we do.

By realizing this ability to show us aspects of ourselves that we remain unaware of, where we build an illusion around it through the story we tell about it that makes it appear different than it really is, we fail to own it or be able to regulate it through awareness and willful action. If we completely remove our attention from the outside source causing us to react, and instead, place our full attention on what’s happening inside of us in response to what’s happening outside of us, we can see an internal process that takes place instantly forming a version of reality that we systematically superimpose over the present situation as a means of forming an instant interpretation. A pattern born out of a past memory is set in motion in a self-perpetuating manner, causing us to act the same way. If we refrain from actually reacting while allowing the internal process to continue to play out while simply observing it in a detached manner, we can notice what memory we associate with it, reference in relation to it, and use to form an automated program for repeating in the present. We can notice what begins running through our mind as a story we start telling ourselves about what’s happening and what it means about us, other people, and the way the world is in general. Through reactive behaviors we repeat the patterns of the past in the present and they set the basis for creating more of the same idea in our future. If you turn all of your attention inwardly while allowing the reactive state to continue playing out within you, you’ll get a very clear idea on what areas in your life still remain unresolved and continue to express in an unconscious and often, inappropriate way.

Through awareness alone, we can see our own internal process for how we create the reactive state as a means of cooperating with the same quality of consciousness in the present that we did in the past. We can witness what we’re doing to create our reactive state. Nobody ever makes us do anything, they just provide the stimulus for us to do it to ourselves. We create the inner state which produces the outer behavior as what we call a reaction that’s compulsive in nature. Nobody ever really controls us, we simply fail to control ourselves, and in doing so, allow ourselves to be controlled by others. Because we imagine that something is being done to us by another, we claim no responsibility for our own actions, and instead blame it on the person causing it. Blame itself is an illusion, because our internal state is always being conducted by us, and whatever is being done to us, is being done by us through a lack of self-awareness as to who’s the one doing it. So by becoming aware of what memories we have associated to reactive tendencies, and how our memories of the past continue to define us by shaping our experiences in the present, we can neutralize the triggering mechanism as an emotional charge, and in doing so, consciously decide how we want to perceive and respond to whatever is happening in the present with full awareness of what we’re doing and what will result from what we’re doing.

Most of our memories are formed out of our formative (initial) conditioning when we were a child and lacked the ability to reason and think logically. We initially formed our memories out of our primal nature, predisposition, temperament, and natural tendencies (personality), and whatever feelings and emotions we experiencing at the time that shaped how we interpreted events that had a strong emotional impact on us. The story we initially started telling ourselves about things was formed out of our imagination, intelligence, and emotions as a child, and acted to form our core beliefs as the reality of our story. The story we started telling ourselves about what things meant as a child, formed the basis for all of our thoughts as an adult, where we continued to tell ourselves the same type of story. We continue to shape ourselves as an adult out of our childhood story, not in terms of the story itself, but the emotions and meaning that served to shape the theme of the story.

Our beliefs shape our reality, not in the literal sense of the external elements themselves, but in terms of what we see and don’t see in any situation and how we interpret the situation to give it the meaning. The meaning we give things shapes how we experience it, and we likewise shape ourselves out of our experiences. In this way, our memories, which are formed largely through an imaginary process of storytelling based on not knowing the true reality or other facts involved and viewing it from only one perspective, becomes our initial programming as our perceptual lens and mental filtering system. Out of this mental programming, which we created, our perception of reality is formed as a direct correlation. What we call reality is a mental construct formed through our perception of it as a subjective experience formed out of an outer objective reality. In this way our beliefs replace actual objective reality as an illusion that becomes a delusion, because we live out of this illusion as though it was true and, as a result, make it true for us.

As we witness the whole process that’s taking place within us, and being conducted by us, while shutting off all reference to the outside conditions and circumstances prompting the internal process, we can clearly see the illusion of it. We can see what we’re doing to ourselves to create the emotional state of the reaction. Through the self-awareness we form of the true nature of the situation, we neutralize the emotional charge as the triggering mechanism, dulling the compulsiveness, and in that moment of inner calm where their used to be a storm, we realize we have a choice. We can choose how to first perceive it in a new light from a new (and more mature) perspective by remaining present with what’s actually happening now, and how we want to respond accordingly. What originated as a thoughtless, knee jerk reaction, becomes a thoughtful relaxed response. In this way, the only thing that changes is that we take control of our own internal process instead of forfeiting it to others. We move from being other referencing to being self-referencing. By becoming aware of what we were previously unaware of, it loses its grip on us, and we find ourselves easily taking control of what was previously controlling us.

Once we realize that our perception of reality is formed mentally as an interpretation, which is something we do internally through a process of association that references the past within the present, we can actively engage in incorporating new paradigms necessary to form new types of interpretations and experiences. We can literally take control of our own internal processes and direct them in a more intelligent and deliberate manner by learning how to work by way of the laws that govern our mind in creating reality as a personal interpretation of what originates from a neutral set of circumstances, completely devoid of personal meaning. Things only mean what we make them mean. Meaning is something we assign to everything as a way of interpreting and perceiving them through a story we tell ourselves that shapes how we experience them, while we simultaneously fashion ourselves by way of our own self-produced experiences. We can realize that any time we experience being controlled by somebody else through a reaction of some kind, that what’s actually happening is we’re failing to take control of our own internal processes and turning that right over to the other person, remaining unaware of our own internal creative process. As we become aware of how we create our experiences, and we learn how to take control of our own internal processes, we come to a place where we no longer react, and instead remain relaxed and calm inside, and able to think clearly through an isolated state of inner peace. By taking control of our own mind, we exist in a constant state of introspection which, once we master, forms inner peace through self-awareness, responsibility, and competency in regards to our own self-creation and soul evolution.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Transpersonal Psychologist, Personal Transformation Coach, and Spiritual Teacher

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