“The Matrix of Relationships we Maintain keeps us in the Level of Consciousness we were in when we Established themâ€

As we grow and become adults, we steadily form relationships along the way that are at once expressed patterns as an exploration of consciousness and ways of being in the world, that connect us to those patterns, often preventing us from growing beyond them. This not only strengthens and amplifies the quality of consciousness that both people share in common when the relationship is formed, but also holds us to that pattern as a level of consciousness. Because of this, once people have developed an interactive and supportive network of relationships, and they look at growing, healing, or developing themselves in new ways or to a higher degree, the relationship either acts to pull them back or hold them to the dynamic established in the relationship, or it no longer serves to naturally support and encourage the growth. For the most part, people want us to remain the way we’ve always been.

 
This is readily evident by anyone “changing their ways†by correcting bad behaviors, only to have their own family or friends not believe them, not trust it, and even when the old behaviors don’t naturally reoccur, they’ll act intentionally to provoke it. This is both frustrating and often confusing. People often change because they believe that’s what the people they love want, only to have it reestablished by those same people. This is because relationships are based on dynamic interactive patterns that act out a type of story or drama together. When one person changes and no longer cooperates in playing a complementary role, the relationship tends to not work anymore. They don’t know how to be in relationship with you any more. The pattern as a story the relationship was providing, now broken, the people in the relationship don’t know how to act to tell a new story together, and so they either lose interest in each other, or move on to someone who can tell the new story with them.

Many people actually realize this, and as a result refrain from any type of real growth because they don’t want to lose their relationships. But of course, some people have a deep compulsion towards growth and a courageous desire to heal themselves, and so choose to grow past relationships while anticipating new ones. They don’t really see an ‘option’ involved but rather a necessity. They become comfortable with change and accept it as an unavoidable part of an evolutionary flow.

 
This fact coupled with our society teaching us that once we’re married or establish long term relationships, that they should be “kept forever†or are a life-time agreement can send the further message that growth is not a good thing, and in many cases, even wrong or bad to do. Of course the ideal scenario is to enter into relationship with someone that we truly become one and they grow with us. Where we act to stimulate, encourage, and participate in the same type of growth. Because nothing acts to transform us like relationships, they should be seen and used intentionally for this purpose. Our true purpose as human beings is to undergo a steady and continuous form of transformation as self-development throughout our life. We’re not meant to become trained and habituated to a comfortable and mundane existence that seems content to be comfortable while passing time.

 
In our journey of personal transformation to become the best we can be, we need to take an attitude of only associating with those of a like mind who act naturally to stimulate our growth and bring us spontaneously into higher levels of awareness becoming more fully awake in our life. In order to use them as the tool they are, we have to gain awareness around the nature of our relationships and what effect they’re producing in us or what level of consciousness they’ll hold us to. Nothing is more important than our personal growth which simultaneously develops and evolves our soul. Our soul only grows by acquiring experience through the body which becomes memory.

To begin participating consciously in our own growth and evolution is to become aware of our eternal self who also resides in us, and birth it within us by allowing it to take the lead and guide us into a higher form of experience that heals our insecurities and addictions, allowing us to become more of who we actually are. Anytime we stop growing, we begin dying. We waste this precious opportunity called life, and lay it to waste instead. Every human beings ultimate goal is to attain their own Nobility by developing their full potential for expression. Our ultimate goal is to develop ourselves to a high morality and virtuous state by recognizing our souls design as our true nature, and form a lifetime commitment to express our full potential. What we love and have desire for, along with our natural gifts, talents, and special abilities create our unique design providing us with everything we need to fulfill what we’re meant to do. It’s what shows us our life’s path which naturally fulfills our true destiny. But we have to choose it, and willingly participate in it’s creation as the means to self-create by way of the same actions.

 
Who we associate with influences us to be like them. Birds of the same feather flock together. We are ‘like’ the people we maintain ongoing relationships with. We can only create and maintain relationships with those we relate to – those of the same quality and level of consciousness. Those that we form relationship with at one stage in our life who don’t evolve with us or in the same manner, we let go of while steadily moving into new relationships that reflect our growth to a different way of being.

 
Marriage, in the true sense, is where two people blend in body, mind, and spirit and become ‘as one’, literally. Because they act as a single unit, they grow and evolve together through their shared life experiences. The desire of one is also the desire of the other. They share the same nature and are of the same ‘soul’. But unfortunately, that’s not what happens most of the time and marriages like any relationship have a time-frame involved as its life span. This time frame typically falls between 5 and 8 years, because humans tend to grow and evolve in 7 year increments as a general rule of thumb. Even relationships that stay together once the fires gone because of children or shared situations, usually die in the most basic sense within this time frame. The ones that truly become one and grow together through life can maintain the fire burning for as long as they both live while their love for each other steadily deepens.

So take a close look at the relationships in your life that you participate in on a regular basis and reflect on the effect each relationship has on you, and what effect you have on them. When you interact with certain people, how does it affect or change your mood? What do you tend to talk about? How does it make you feel to be with them? What qualities and traits do they bring out in you? What type of activities do you do together? And once you get a good idea of the real nature of the relationship, simply ask yourself, do you like how it makes you feel, what it keeps you focused on, the activities you engage in, and the kind of person you become by way of the interaction itself? Set a policy with yourself that you’ll only maintain healthy and nourishing relationships that make you feel good about yourself, while letting go of unhealthy, emotionally toxic, and stressful relationships that leave you not liking yourself.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Evolutionary Relationships

Transformational Coaching

About the author:
Dr. Linda is a Spiritual Scientist and scholar of Hermetic Sciences and Ancient Wisdom traditions. She’s a professional educator and trainer for all areas of personal transformation, self-creation, mind development, and soul/spiritual evolution. She practices Integrative Medicine with a special emphasis on Psychology and Creative therapies. She conducts ongoing classes, Playshops, and Adventure Seminars, and is available for private or group training, mentoring, and speaking engagements.
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