Sexual Union – The Spiritual Law of Divine Union

“The Principle of Energetic Fusion”

Sexual Union

To fully understand the true moral reality around sexual union, we can’t look at it from the man-made concepts of right and wrong, good or bad, but view it instead from the primary level of the energetic (spiritual) interaction taking place, and what it implies or reveals as a result. From an energetic perspective, every soul exists as a form of tincture, in which their mind-field is infused with a certain formula of qualities stimulated through their environment that form their overall character, which naturally expresses through their natural behavior, forming corresponding realities as the experience inherent within those realities. This is referred to traditionally as “morality”. The essential nature of the soul and what type of experiences it creates through natural behavior that’s consistent with a certain type of story.

 
Whenever we exist in near proximity with another soul (electromagnetic energy field), a natural exchange of energy (consciousness) takes place through a form of magnetic breathing, and we not only “sense” the quality of their soul-consciousness, but we also absorb their essence into us, and through a process of equilibrium that acts like a chemical reaction, which modifies both vibratory frequencies (consciousness) to take on the qualities of each other, while projecting and putting off our souls vibration at the same time. We’re always exchanging energy as consciousness with our environment through the same principle as breathing which digests, assimilates (what’s of the same frequency) and eliminates (what’s not of the same frequency) as a result. What we absorb that “takes hold” is based on being of the same vibratory range as our primary disposition, that forms energetic sympathy (enters into and effects) with us, modifying the vibration of both to form coherence as a kind of balanced union, and we literally become one with them in consciousness.

tantra

The most fundamental form of energetic sympathy is love. What we love we desire and seek union with. Sex, in its most primary form, is not only the ultimate expression of romantic love, but it’s the literal act of energetic fusion, where two souls, infusing each other, take on the same vibratory frequency, and become one as a shared morality – they become of the same nature and begin expressing and behaving accordingly. We not only “acquire” their qualities and traits unto us, modifying our character through the integration, we also take on and share their karma and overall destiny. Our character as our quality of consciousness or vibratory frequency, determines how we “express” what type of behavioral dynamics we take on and begin co-creating through, and what type of life we create through the story we tell as a result.

 
This is why historically marriage isn’t consummated until sexual union takes place, as the fusing together of their energy fields. It’s also why “virgins” were emphasized for any form of practice where “pure” consciousness was required that hadn’t been diluted or corrupted by the infusion of another consciousness that acted to alter their “perceptual ability”. When we engage in the sexual act, we enter into rapport with the person while experiencing a heightened sense of love as physical pleasure, which is the actual experience of blending energetically. The actual orgasm, or peak experience, is full infusion where all resistance subsides and fusion takes place as a loss of self-awareness. We explode into and expand instantly into the energy field of the other, and they into ours, in a moment of euphoria that lacks inhibition of any kind. A spontaneous free-flow takes place. In this moment, we are fully infused with the morality and energetically with a shared consciousness which serves to alter our character accordingly. We begin taking on the same fundamental perspectives, tendencies and behavioral dynamics. We begin a steady process of becoming more like them and they like us.

union

When this union is consciously undertaken only with someone of high moral character, that we respect, admire, adore and feel a deep sense of love for, whose blending serves our souls evolution by acquiring positive traits and behaviors, then it’s a sacrament. A profound evolutionary tool as a means of consciously evolving ourselves. But when we engage in the sexual act with people we don’t or barely know, those of poor moral character who possess behavioral dynamics we don’t want to be apart of, or who have fused unconsciously with many others of the same values and moral character, we corrupt ourselves with a dynamic matrix of unknown properties. We adhere to, align ourselves with, and take on the same characteristics, and begin engaging in the same dramas as behavioral patterns, often, without ever fully realizing what’s happening and why. Because subtle changes in our energy field are felt as feeling-moods that come over us, that are then developed by how we are being stimulated through relationships of various sorts, they take hold and begin manifesting gradually without our direct awareness of what we’re actually doing, and who we’re becoming as a result.

 
This is why many spiritual traditions abstain from sexual union, and instead encourage a loving union with God – as our higher Self, is to keep the soul pure and unadulterated. When marriage is encouraged, it’s undertaken with full, conscious awareness of the type of person we commit ourselves to, their fundamental character, quality and level of consciousness and how that will serve us, and us them, through a union of body and soul to become greater through blending and interacting. We evolve through an aspiration to a higher ideal that both are invested in and initiate and sustain through their everyday interactions. Making love is a state of mind as a basic form of communication that’s conveyed in our eyes, our body gestures, and in the affectionate delivery of words meant to induce positive emotions as a form of connection and provides a safe space for being realized and witnessed by someone who holds a mirror for us. Through intimacy and sexual intercourse that leads to an orgasm as the complete surrender of our ability to contain ourselves, we explode, let go, and fully merge into the spiritual energy of the other person and a permanent fusion takes place that alters our consciousness forever.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Evolutionary Relationships

Sacred Sexuality

 

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Dr. Linda GadboisAbout the author:
Dr. Linda is an expert in Spiritual Sciences and scholar of Hermetic Sciences and Ancient Wisdom traditions. She’s a professional educator and trainer for all areas of personal transformation, self-creation, mind development, and soul/spiritual evolution. She practices Integrative Medicine with a special emphasis on Psychology and Creative therapies. She conducts ongoing classes, Playshops, and Adventure Seminars, and is available for private or group training, mentoring, and speaking engagements.
To inquire, click here

 

 

Love, Equilibrium, and the Power of the Imagination

The Law of the Hexad

While all forms of sacred geometry represent universal laws that govern multiple interlaced dimensions of the spirit (invisible forces), soul (formed consciousness), and matter (ethereal substance), and lend themselves to only being understood through individual interpretation, which is a unique creation to the person interpreting it, and where every interpretation is different in some way based on the perspective taken and the knowledge of the person doing the interpreting. But because geometric shapes represent laws, which, is the scientific language of spirit, we can use universal models in order to form a working idea of the operations indicated in terms of application or utilizing the knowledge in the practical sense to create within the material world.

 
Symbolic language of philosophical mathematics as universal laws is the cosmic language that requires intuition to discern accurately. Not intuition void of or in contrast to logic, as many think, but as a holistic way of perceiving that forms the foundation for logic as its most practical aspect. Sacred geometry demonstrates a series of interrelated relationships, with the most basic being that of the mind structuring matter, demonstrated by the invisible inner space, forming the relief of the outer material structure, whose outline repeats the inner shape as its outward overall shape. While spirit may be seen as taking the shape of it’s container as a neutral force with no desire or attachments of its own, organized into its initial form by entering the soul which directly inhabits the material body, giving it its nature which determines its behavior, in fact, the spirit is what structures the very container that it then inhabits and operates.

 
The Heptad, Hexagram, or Sexagram are different names given to the same basic six pointed star or shape, represented by the number 6, is comprised of six equal parts structured in a balanced manner, as all geometric shapes are. The properties of “6” can best be thought of as the culmination, much like a growth process, of 0 – 6, where laws spontaneously emerge from each other, in a synchronized fashion of unfolding, while still containing the potential of the laws that will naturally proceed out of it. 5 bring us into the idea of mind over matter as the basis for regeneration, as the minds ability to direct and shape the 4 elements of the natural world, which also possess psychic mind-like properties. Because laws emerge in pairs of opposites that are complementary aspects of the same idea and operation, 5 brings us into the idea of regeneration of the formed world represented by 4, and 6 gives us the process for doing it. The symbol of the Hexagram is made out of two interlaced triangles with different orientations, one pointing up, and the other one down, forming what’s traditionally called the star of David. The triangle represents the mind which has a triple or three-fold nature, as dual aspects of the One. The single or greater mind exists in dual and complementary aspects of itself. Each interrelated part of the whole performs different functions at different levels of consciousness, each of which is also three-fold in nature. The 3 in 1 law is the primary law of the mind or vibration represented by the triangle or pyramid. The pyramid, as a square base with four triangular sides, represents the material reality (4) that is formed out of the mind (3). It shows us that our experience of the outer material world is a direct reflection of our inner imaginary world as the structure and nature of our mind, which is our vehicle or perceptual lens for perceiving the outer world.

merkabah

While some interpret this to show the connection between the higher mind and the physical or lower mind, to be more precise, it demonstrates the relationship the soul forms with the lower-bodily mind, and the spirit of the higher Divine mind. For this reason, the Hexagram is the symbol that represents the soul of man. As human beings we have two souls or basic natures. The divine soul is the medium or vehicle that connects spirit as pure consciousness with the lower, material world. The 6 as interlacing triangles represents the principle of “love” and sexual union as resonance and sympathetic induction which is what binds the two spheres together to form a single whole. Love is the principle of resonance that forms a connection as a desire for itself in another, and seeks to unite with the object of its desire. What we love we desire and our desire is the gravitational force that pulls the soul into the body where they fuse together and operate as a single unit (form coherence). We can only love what we understand and relate to. We only truly understand something from the intimate perspective of “being it”.

 
The relationship indicated by the Heptad is that of “lovers”. The relationship of complementary opposites is the masculine and the feminine energies which unite by entering into each other, becoming as one, and operating as a single unit. In the creative sense of the mind, the Hexad represents the unification of the conscious and subconscious minds with the higher mind of our divine soul. As humans we have two souls which give us two natures, and two distinctly different conscious functions. This again, demonstrating the fundamental law of the One existing in polarity as two separate aspects that act to stimulate and complement each other to perform the necessary functions that blend two levels of reality into one. The inner with the outer, and the upper with the lower. As humans we are composite creatures, and have an animal-soul, and a divine soul. This is often depicted as the devil on one shoulder tempting us with vices, and an angel on the other shoulder encouraging virtues.

lovers grey

While our divine soul never fully incarnates in the material realm, it does produce, operate and sustain the dual and complementary aspects of the subconscious and self-conscious minds of our material existence. Our subconscious mind, which is both instinctual and passive in nature, meaning it doesn’t have a will of its own but receives suggestions as commands from an active source, gives birth to the conscious mind as the identity of the body, that has the power to create through choice and free will, and direct the lower instinctual nature in order to use it as a vehicle for self-creation to produce its own individuality. The conscious mind exists in an active-passive relationship with the subconscious mind. The subconscious, like the soul, is a medium between the higher conscious and the personal conscious, and acts as a passive receptor for the will of both. The subconscious is programmed through suggestion which it readily takes in, visualizes and imagines as an experience and uses in place of instinct as memory to produce natural behaviors that are creative in nature.

 
The higher conscious which communicates telepathically through vibration gives the subconscious suggestions through dreams that are living realities of emotional intensity that the subconscious perceives as “actual experiences” and uses in the same way it uses all memory, as a template for creating more of the same type of experiences while producing automatic behaviors. The self-conscious mind, which is our awake, active and thinking mind, has the ability to intentionally program the subconscious mind and willfully create by way of it, but only by entering into proper relationship with it, and giving it the programming information in the language of the subconscious as an actual experience. The conscious mind speaks to and directs the subconscious mind by giving it suggestion as an imagined experience. Because the imagination is used to create all experience, whether actual or made up, in order to form a memory which it also replays through the imagination as a means of continuing to use the memory to create more experiences of the same nature as the memory, the imagination is the vehicle through which we communicate through multiple dimensions and aspects of ourselves. We take an idea and shape it into a full sensory reality intensified by emotion, and telepathically communicate it to the subconscious mind as an actual experience of reality. The subconscious mind then readily takes it in as an actual experience and uses it in place of memory to superimpose it over our outer reality as a perceptual lens, which sees, interacts with, and recreates more of the same type of experiences.

electric neurons

Love and sexual union indicates the relationship the conscious mind needs to form with the subconscious mind, in order to use it as the means for creating our desired experiences and wishes. This relationship, as indicated in the form that represents it, works both ways, and if the conscious mind doesn’t know that it can direct the subconscious mind and use it as the means for creating chosen experience, then the subconscious mind directs and runs the conscious mind through emotional states that control our thinking and the imaginary scenarios we run through our mind. Love is magnetic and draws into itself what it loves. By loving ourselves, we embody the conscious state of love, and being love, we harmonize both aspects of ourselves to form a unified whole that bridges the inner with the outer, the subjective with the objective.

 
By loving ourselves, meaning existing in a loving state, we make decisions that are best for our whole being. Because of this, 6 represents health (body) and healing (mind) as achieving equilibrium as a harmonic balance between mind (conscious) and body (subconscious). Not as done to us or for us by an outside force or entity that intervenes on our behalf, but as we do unto ourselves. We work with our own subconscious mind through a loving attitude that comforts, persuades, and convinces. The most basic motive governing the subconscious, instinctual mind is self-preservation, so only by suggesting ideas that are pleasurable, health promoting, safe, and in present tense as an actual experience, do we elicit the cooperation in fulfilling our wishes, rather than instigating a fight or flight response that intentionally works against our intentional directives.

final.lotusonious02_h264

So the process of mind over matter comes by bringing the 3-aspects of the mind into a resonant balance that harmonizes them. All development comes through a response of the inner with the outer, as demonstrated in the Dyad of the Vesica Pisces. It’s the feminine natural response to the masculine which readily takes in his seed and creates life with it by fashioning it with her own body (matter) that brings ideas into actual form as the reality that allows the experience of them. When the subconscious and conscious act in unison and cooperate in creating a unified idea through a form of intercourse, motivated by love for each other, they produce offspring that’s a combination of both in a new and varied form. By introducing a seeded idea into the womb of the subconscious, shaping that idea into a living form in the imagination, provides it with the template necessary to regenerate more experiences of the same nature. The soul merges with the body and creates itself as the body. While the soul has the ability to direct the body consciousness through awareness, making conscious decisions, and willfully directing the actions of the body, it has to first realize its creative ability, and resist the temptation of the bodily mind, which is moved and determined by its emotions and passions, which tends to control the will of the conscious mind instead. This relationship and co-creative ability is a two-way street, meaning, it works both ways as indicated by the shape itself as triangles moving in different directions.

 
Through a process that virtually amounts to meditation and self-hypnosis, we have the ability to take control of our life and soul’s development, and direct our lower conscious mind by reprogramming it with virtual memories that it uses as the vibratory frequency for attraction, and the perceptual lens for seeing and creating more of the same type of experiences. The sixth chakra of the body, referred to as the third-eye, which governs the imagination as the unification of both hemispheres of the brain, which correspond to the subconscious (right hemisphere) and the conscious (left hemisphere) mind, provide the basis for conscious creation. A further correlation is made between the heart (subconscious) and the brain (conscious), as dual aspects of the same thing that bridge feeling with thought, that create an internal imagining as a sensory translation that forms what we experience as our outer reality, which is produced by our inner reality as the very structure and function of our mind.

vesicaThis idea of a dual aspect forming a series of unification’s is inherent in all of life as we know it. Whereas the Dyad demonstrates the relationship between the inner and the outer as an interaction of our inner consciousness with itself (same vibratory nature) in the external reality, the Hexad demonstrates our relationship between the upper and the lower as a complete submergence of consciousness into physical form. The soul fully inhabits the body and becomes one with it as a means of existing and creating within the material realm. The soul fully experiences itself “as the body”, and therefore has a tendency to mistake itself for the body. This relationship is so intimate that there’s no immediate sense of separation, and the lower body-consciousness of the animal soul, which is mortal and subject to dying, becomes the identity of the eternal and immortal soul of man, who not only unconsciously develops himself to be like an animal, unconscious and emotionally driven to habitual behaviors, but also experiences death of the body as annihilation of the self and soul. Through this fundamental state of mistaken identity and failure to develop the soul’s creative capacity within the body, it condemns itself to the darkness of ignorance through a fundamental lack of self-awareness.

 
So the hexad is providing us with the creative process for using our conscious mind to direct and reprogram our subconscious mind so it will cooperatively serve to regenerate experiences of a higher level of consciousness. We can use our imagination in a creative way to produce virtual memories that give the subconscious mind a creative template for connecting to that same vibration and quality of consciousness in our outer environment bringing it into our conscious awareness as a natural event. We can reprogram our subconscious mind to natural states and the natural behaviors that are a product of those states. We can give it the virtual memories to produce our perceptual lens that determine our everyday perceptions of reality. We can use the higher aspects of ourselves to reprogram and redirect the lower aspects which are responsible for producing our experience of our outer reality. We can cultivate the inner state as a quality of consciousness that will determine what we attract and naturally enter into relationship with in our outer environment.

 
Through this formula we are provided with the creative process for unifying our minds and creating a life of beauty, joy, and harmony. We can resolve all inner conflict and the residual affect of our conditioning by reconditioning ourselves with memories of a desirable nature. We can control our development, not by manipulating the outer world of “effects”, but by altering our inner world of “cause”. Instead of being determined by others and our environment, we can draw on and form our sense of self from within and use it to impose a direct influence on others and our environment. We can take back full control of our own soul development through right use of our mind and bringing all aspects of ourselves into a harmonious agreement as a unified state.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Spiritual Sciences

Mind / Body Integration

About the author:
Dr. Linda is a Spiritual Scientist and scholar of Hermetic Sciences and Ancient Wisdom traditions. She’s a professional educator and trainer for all areas of personal transformation, self-creation, mind development, and soul/spiritual evolution. She practices Integrative Medicine with a special emphasis on Psychology and Creative therapies. She conducts ongoing classes, Playshops, and Adventure Seminars, and is available for private or group training, mentoring, and speaking engagements.
To inquire, click here

 

The Transformative Power of Relationships and how to Create Healthy Ones

Of all the areas of our life that effect us the deepest and with the greatest range of possibilities, our relationships rate the highest. This is true not only in our relationships with other people, but more importantly, in our relationship with ourselves. The relationship we form with ourselves determines how we enter into relationship with everyone and everything else in our lives. The very foundation of life itself and all areas of self-creation and lifestyle are formed by how we relate to everything around us. Relationships are the greatest tools there are for transformation. When we know how to use them as tools for creating a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle, we embrace our true power and it ignites our life.

Of all the areas of our life and relationships we employ and develop, the ones that affect us the most while having the greatest transformative ability, is romantic-sexual relationships. These relationships bring us the greatest fulfillment and happiness, or the greatest stress and misery. Some start with a bang then fizzle quickly. Others build gradually, establishing the friendship aspect first that then deepens through the trust that’s established and moves naturally into much more intimate experiences. Others can start off romantic and evolve into more of a platonic, roommate situation that while the love may still be strong leaves you longing for romance, affection and sexual intimacy. Still others can come as an intense encounter of some kind that’s strange and somewhat perverted or twisted that’s also strangely gripping and magnetic . . .at least . . . for awhile.

Yet nothing serves more directly to shape us than our relationships with family and key people in our lives, whether good or bad. And at the same time, no other area of our life are we completely lacking in education and practical know-how and left virtually fending for ourselves with only the relationship modeled to us by our parents to guide us. No one actually teaches us about the nature of romantic encounters and how to have relationships outside of our friends (who are as clueless as we are) and the occasional lecture that comes usually when we’ve done something wrong or already experienced our first heartbreak.

oh god
Most of us are simply conditioned to the relationships being demonstrated for us by our parents or extended family members, where we were also developed by interacting with that same family dynamic which set’s us up for similar types of relationships and experiences. In psychology we say, we usually become one of our parents and marry the other one. Usually by the time we’re teenagers and beginning to explore sexual relationships, we’ve already been conditioned to the primary relationship dynamic that we’ll spend the rest of our life repeating. Even when we become aware of the consistency that starts emerging, with periodic events that bring shocking insights into the nature of things or underlying emotions and agenda’s that become apparent in a way that we can no longer deny or explain away by telling ourselves a story about them that justifies them, we can still feel powerless to change them.

Every once in a while, people and situations come together that are truly meant for each other, and form real love for each other, and create a very positive influence on each other in their lives together, while having an attitude of growing together through their life experiences that they always approach as “us” and “we”. They see all of life as happening to “them” as a single-unit, and pull together and support each other through tough times, and grow in their love and respect for each other as a result. Some people are fortunate enough to have healthy relationships modeled to them by their parents, or have their parents openly and intelligently teach them about relationships and how to most appropriately conduct them.

mature couple
The biggest key for learning how to remain fully conscious (awake) in relationships, whether romantic or other wise, is to recognize your own tendencies in relationship with others, how you act “on them” to establish certain ideas and through your interaction bring out specific traits in them in response to you. Many times what we see as something they’re doing to us, is actually brought on by something we did to them that initiated a cause and effect pattern. Then, once its starts, we don’t know how to stop it or recant, and can’t seem to control our emotions which sabotage it even further. Naturally once you do or say certain things, there’s no turning back. They can’t unhear something that they’ve heard or felt. Even if forgiveness is offered, they never really forget, but simply push it to the background where it sits and festers until it starts coming up, more and more frequently as time passes until it becomes precedence. While we can say anything to someone, and think we’re doing it convincingly, we can’t hide the look in our eyes which is the window to our soul that always reveals how we’re feeling.

If we can learn to control that glazed over feeling of being ‘twitter-pated’ that takes place in the beginning as ‘love at first sight’ that marks the beginning of the “romantic phase”, and pay attention to the red-flags that begin popping up without explaining them away, and pay close attention to how we’re feeling in terms of how they stimulate us and what they bring out in us as a result, we can keep a clear idea about how the relationship is going to naturally act to develop us. Whatever mood we form when being with and around them that’s naturally created through the nature of the interaction or the feeling presence that they emanate that we’re always sensing, we can see how they’ll act to condition us to that same mind-set and attitude. People always act on each other to make the other person like them. We can’t help it. It comes from our mental and emotional paradigm that forms our behavior and how we act and treat other people. There’s always a form of persuasion and negotiation going on.

As a general rule, you should avoid any relationship that makes you feel bad in some way, brings you down by being around them, always reflects negatively on other people of situations, or stresses you out and invokes negative emotions on a routine basis. Don’t enter into and maintain relationships that bring out in you you’re worst traits. Over time these traits will become dominant and form habitual perceptions. When the red-flags come up, don’t glaze over or dismiss them, but openly acknowledge and talk about them. When weird behaviors begin coming out here and there, realize that you’re seeing something about the individual they normally hide. If you notice them but choose to ignore them, they tend to become a major issue further into the relationship, and you’ll kick yourself because you knew it was there all along. Realize that the emotional component in a relationship is the most important and will ultimately make or break the relationship.

disagreement
The most important component of any relationship, but especially of romantic-sexual-intimate relationships is trust. This forms the foundation that everything else relies on, especially the level of intimacy reached and how they respond to each other sexually. Trust must be established and maintained right from the beginning. Once trust is broken, it will never be fully established again. This is what I call a ‘fine line’ that once crossed, marks the beginning of the end. It creates a turning point in the relationship where things start noticeably changing never to be the same again. Even when forgiveness is implied, the thought and feeling never really goes away. It’s better to come clean with something you’ve done that you’re not proud of or know will upset them, rather than hide it or lie about it, only to be discovered later where it becomes lying, deceiving and betraying.

Also realize that when somebody accuses you of something that you haven’t actually done and is not in your character to do, it not only shows you what their issues are, but also what they have a tendency towards themselves. Learn how psychology works in terms of whatever it is we’re doing we assume or suspect the other person is doing as well. We project onto other people what’s actually in us (as patterns) that we’re in denial of somehow and not owning. What we “see” in others (how we interpret their behavior) that produces a strong emotional reaction in us, is showing us aspects of ourselves and what our own tendencies are that we normally remain largely unaware of. This is easy to see when you’ve not only haven’t done what they’re accusing you of, but it’s not within you to do that, and so you feel surprised or dismayed when they accuse you of it. You may even feel somewhat confused by it or realize that they don’t even actually know you. This is what lets you know that it’s “their stuff”. If however you have done it, and hid it for whatever reason, then you need to see it as “your tendency” and work with it accordingly.

Relationships have the power they do because they stimulate in us complementary aspects that aren’t normally being stimulated and called forth, and mirror back to us our own character. Romantic and intimate relationships tend to immediately bring our deepest issues right to the foreground, and we find ourselves dealing with parts of ourselves that we didn’t really know for sure we had. Nothing makes us more vulnerable or represents the greatest possibly of loss, than love. It’s either what heals us through another, or what further traumatizes us. Because we have a natural predisposition to play out all of our conditioned tendencies in our relationships that we’re not fully aware of, and so they remain active and creative in our life, by realizing this and seeing it for the healing and personal growth it truly offers, we can grow exponentially by way of our personal relationships.

happy hug
Many people live with the belief that in order to heal yourself of your own hidden aspects you have to endlessly rehash them, go over and over what happened to you that caused them through some form of therapy, but actually, this isn’t true. In fact, this type of therapy usually only acts to seat the problem deeper by reliving it and continuing to identify with it. The plain truth is all we really need to do is become fully aware of what our tendencies are without needing to justify them (what we argue to defend is ours to keep), self-reflect and gain realization around how we do it, and what tends to stimulate it, and actively choose not to do it anymore while simultaneously deciding what we’re going to do instead.

All unconscious (or semi-conscious) tendencies are patterns we’ve been conditioned with that have themes in them, usually something like: rejection, abandonment, betrayal, not being good enough, and so on. These themes form the stories we live out as if they’re real and true. They’re a form of illusion as an imagined (and often embellished) memory or handful of memories that forms our perceptual lens and reshapes what is in fact objective, neutral reality by selecting only the components that can be used to tell our story by how we combine them and interpret the behaviors others are displaying. A person whose theme is rejection for example, can interpret just about any behavior to mean they’re “being rejected”. Our perception ‘is’ an interpretation as the ‘meaning’ we give things by the story we tell about them. While we transform everyone else to fit into our story, we also tend to think others are seeing and living out of the same story as a reality that we are, when in fact, they’re doing the same thing, and have a whole different story going on than we do. Everybody’s walking around in the same outer reality which provides the elements they rearrange by way of the inner reality they’re actually living out of by how they’re creating their experience moment by moment as they go through the day.

By realizing this and intentionally taking a detached or disassociated perspective while self-reflecting, we can identify our own story as the basic idea we’re always using to interpret everything giving it the meaning it has for us. Nothing means anything until we make it mean something by the story we tell about it. All of reality as a personal experience is reformulated in our mind by how we perceive it as an interpretation. This basic psychological process forms all outer neutral realities into inner subjective realities of our own making. The mind is a reality generating machine. We are subject to our own reality as our creation, because our mental model is what created it, and we have natural behaviors we systematically employ as routine and habitual tendencies that act to stimulate and form that same reality for others by how we communicate and interact with them.

Through self-awareness and learning to recognize our own story always playing in our head and heart, and what tendencies they promote, as well as what acts to trigger them, we can not only control our reactions when being triggered, but when we start into the behaviors themselves we catch ourselves doing it, and in that moment of realization as to what we’re actually doing that we normally remain unaware of, we realize we have a choice as to what to do instead. We can choose a new response to an old stimulus and employ new behaviors that break old patterns and begin forming new ones. We can choose with full awareness what type of story we’re going to tell by how we act and how we live our lives. When we move from an unconscious habitual state into a conscious and creative state we heal ourselves through self-induced transformation.


The biggest key to cultivating healthy relationships is by recognizing your own tendencies as “issues” and complexes, and through this awareness “choose” to give up your story and your need to defend your right to have it, which keeps you identifying with it, and choose to live a new kind of story instead. Self-reflect and recognize your own character flaws or tendencies that are destructive and hurtful, and work ‘on’ your self to transform them into positive traits that are creative and health promoting. Only by correcting in yourself the issues you tend to act out in relationships will you not only be able to attract a new kind of partner (that’s living the same pattern) but also won’t be unconsciously acting in a way that stimulates that old pattern in them. It’s only by working on healing and growing ourselves that we’re able to form new and healthy relationships. If we see ourselves as innocent while putting the blame for the relationship going bad on others, then nothing changes. We keep attracting and being attracted to the same type of people who are living out the same type of story with complementary roles in the same type of behaviors. This is like doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result.

 

When we work on ourselves and develop ourselves in new ways while letting go of the past and healing ourselves of psychological patterns, we’re no longer attracted or attractive to the same kind of people. We’re no longer stimulated by them. We don’t feel any chemistry with them or get easily drawn into their melodramas. The old triggers simply don’t affect us any more. They’re easy to walk away from and no longer create an instant engagement. Once we decide how we want to grow and what type of story we want to live, and we develop the necessary character to tell that story, we’ll start forming an attraction to different kinds of people. We’ll act to stimulate them in new ways, and they us, and a whole new reality will be birthed thru the transformation itself.

The process for beginning your healing transformation will go something like this:

 

 • Self-reflect on your own tendencies in relationships (past or present), and what issues tend to become prevalent for either one of you, what behavioral pattern formed in the relationship, and what it seemed to be about as it played out. What issues kept coming up?

• Identify your own theme that you’re always living out of that becomes played out in your relationships as a co-creation. Such as: feeling rejected or not wanted, not loved or cared for, betrayed, abused, abandoned, cheating, excessive drama, and so on.

• Recognize your own part in creating that pattern. What behaviors started taking place between you and them that formed that pattern? How are you acting to support it?

• Recognize what feelings and emotions tend to trigger undesired or destructive and damaging behaviors. What events take place that acts to first start forming the pattern? Such as: you catch them in a lie, or you lie to them, they talk to you in a condescending manner, they attack or turn on you for no reason, they openly flirt with somebody else in front of you, they start (or you) accusing you of something, they belittle you, correct you a lot, or even physically strike you or you them, you fight a lot, and so on.

• Gain realization around your own attachments to the story being played out in terms of how you identify with the meaning of your own story about things, and be willing to quit needing to tell that story. Then decide what type of story you want to tell instead with the awareness that it’s going to make you feel different about yourself, and may seem awkward or “not true” at first. You may become aware that you really don’t know how to feel different or tell a different type of story. But get clear on how you want to shape yourself through a new story and keep working at it. Conditioning comes through steady practice.

• What character traits would you need to develop in yourself in order to naturally tell the new story? How would you have to be? What traits do you currently possess that would act to prevent it and how do you need to transform them into positive and supportive traits? What emotions would you need to embody to create the right state of mind? How would you need to behave and conduct yourself? Determine what these are and again gain clarity around them while practicing them until they become natural.

• If you find yourself falling back into old behaviors, stop as soon as you realize it, withdraw from the situation before you begin creating out of it, and self-reflect on what’s happening inside of you and why. Gain realization around whatever it is you still haven’t resolved and willingly let go of it, while continuing to practice until relapses diminish.

• Make a vow to yourself that you’re going to always honor your own intuition and when red-flags come up or strange feelings, you won’t ignore them or explain them away, but penetrate and investigate them instead. Decide you’re not willing to compromise things that are important to you.

 

• Set standards for yourself and others for the relationship, and do not compromise or negotiate them away once you get into the relationship. Identify what are “deal-breakers” and if they should become apparent or start to arise, don’t stay in the relationship. It won’t be good.

• Identify what parts of yourself you want to grow and develop, and what states of mind and traits you want to strengthen and condition yourself to, and cultivate and maintain only relationships that stimulate and influence you in those ways. Let go of any relationship that’s negative, toxic, abusive, dysfunctional, or mentally and emotionally painful. Do not stay in relationships that destroy your self-esteem.

 

These basic practices may seem like a lot to do all at once, but what you’ll find is that they’re interlaced, and one will naturally lead to the next forming a whole process. The object of this process, as with any healing process, is self-awareness, and self-realization. You want to shed light on all areas of your self that are currently shadowed, areas where you’re not aware of what you’re actually doing and the reason you’re doing it that come about more through automatic behaviors that are triggered emotionally. We don’t ever have control over other people, but we have full control over ourselves. While we can’t change other people, we can always change ourselves and thereby change how they respond and interact with us. By changing ourselves to be the person we want to be we find that the relationships in our life changes accordingly.

Relationships of all kinds hold us to interactive patterns that were established in the relationship itself. When we change and grow and others don’t, the relationship tends to pull us back into the old way of being. People seldom let us transcend our past but act instead to hold us to it. You have to realize this and be prepared for it so it doesn’t catch you off guard or you fail to see it for what it really is. Relationships that don’t grow with you or naturally stimulate in you you’re new way of being and support it through the nature of the interaction will “leave your life” or simply fade into the background while new ones begin emerging with new people who share the new pattern and ways of being are established that foster your growth and act naturally to promote it through the nature of your interaction.

 

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Transformational Coaching

Evolutionary Relationships

 

lgAbout the author:
Dr. Linda is a Spiritual Scientist and scholar of Hermetic Sciences and Ancient Wisdom traditions. She’s a professional educator and trainer for all areas of personal transformation, self-creation, mind development, and soul/spiritual evolution. She practices Integrative Medicine with a special emphasis on Psychology and Creative therapies. She conducts ongoing classes, Playshops, and Adventure Seminars, and is available for private or group training, mentoring, and speaking engagements.
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