Forgiveness – Transforming Judgment, Detachment, and the Key to Liberation

 

 

The idea of forgiveness can be a somewhat “slippery” subject in terms of what it actually means and how to do it. Many can put on the façade of appearing to forgive on the outside while still harboring the feelings that led to the perceived need to forgive on the inside. In order to honestly forgive as an internal process of realization that dissolves ill will and incorrect perceptions and instills a sense of inner peace, you have to learn to look at it from a different perspective where you realize there’s no need to forgive because no harm has been caused to you. All ‘perceived’ harm caused to us by another is the result of an incorrect perception on our part that comes by looking at it within the same plane or level of reality, or is due to the fact that we share the same ‘mental and emotional dynamic’ and so participate in living it out with them as though it’s real.

Whenever we reside in or are conditioned to the same dynamics and story-line as another, we ‘resonate with them’ and are effected by them in terms of ‘feeling hurt by them’ somehow due to their actions towards us. They say or do something that hurts us, makes us angry, or creates an intense sense of losing something we value, and we not only react to it in a like manner, playing a role in the drama that ensues, but we continue to dwell in vicious, condemning, criticizing, and hateful thoughts long after the fact, playing them over and over in our mind letting them eat at us, and ultimately come to define us.

We engage in the act of judging and cursing the other in a compulsive and seemingly uncontrollable fashion, while simultaneously perceiving the need to forgive because we’ve been hurt, damaged, suffered a severe loss, or have been reduced and diminished somehow. Yet as long as we stay in the same ‘shared mindset’ as a drama and behavioral dynamic, we can’t ever really forgive them because we continue to use our will and mental power to keep the perceived offense alive by continuing to think about it and relive it while revolting and attacking back, or somehow getting even by hurting them in the same way we imagine we’ve been hurt.

Yet the part of this equation we often fail to recognize, is that what we’re calling ‘being hurt’ is actually something that we are willingly doing to ourselves with our own mind and body by readily taking in the energy being projected at us by the behavior of another, letting it take hold inside of us, and giving it life by letting it completely run our emotions and imagined thoughts. We are in reality choosing to let another use our will to continue hurting us over and over by continuing to harbor and think about it while replaying it in our mind in a constant and compulsive manner. We are in fact cooperating and fully participating in co-creating the reality of the shared drama.

The strange truth of all of life that we often fail to realize in the most fundamental sense is that no one is ever doing anything ‘to us’ in terms of how we ‘experience’ the events of our life. While someone can certainly hurt us physically, behave in a way that causes us to feel pain, take away something we value, or lash out and attack us with the intention of hurting and diminishing us by captivating us under their spell, how we ‘form the experience’ of whatever happens is something we completely create with our mind and emotions. Only we form our own thoughts and tell ourselves a story about things that give them the meaning they have and what they mean about us, the other person, and the way the world is, as a result. The meaning we give things that forms our story about it is usually based on the emotional charge of the actual event, or is what acts to invoke that ‘state of mind’ that we start using to create in other areas of our life as well. A story we begin telling ourselves about being betrayed, not wanted, used, etc., can become a life theme that begins shaping us in all areas of our life.

We can just as easily choose not to let the emotions and actions of others in, not give them life inside of us, and deflect them back to them by remaining steadfast in the realization of what’s actually happening. As another person lives out their drama as a theme of some kind that’s actualized through their perceptions, emotional states, and behaviors, is simply showing us in very immediate and direct terms who they are as a person and what their model of the world is. Their actions only reveal ‘who they are’ in unmistakable terms. They’re showing us the delusion they’re conditioned with and the story they’re acting to tell with their life. It says nothing about us, unless we let it. We have to agree to play out the same drama in order to enter into a reactive state and respond in a like manner, which is the only thing that makes it real.

The problem that we have in life is that it’s difficult to stay conscious, especially through extreme experiences of emotional intensity or where we feel like a lot is at stake and we stand to lose a lot. It’s the emotions that are at play that are very magnetic and draw us into things in a completely unconscious manner because they create an internal experience that makes them seem real. Emotions are the energetic language of the material plane that ‘infect’ us, stimulate us internally, activating and causing us to take on the same emotion, which amplifies it. Emotions serve as ‘themes’ that have whole realities in them as the type of experience that naturally produces, increases, and gives us more of that emotion.

When infected with an emotional charge, feeling a pronounced and often overwhelming internal sensation, we tend to automatically take it on and allow it to run our mind producing the illusion of the emotion as a shared reality and control our behavior as an equivalent response to that reality. It literally renders us unconscious and we go into an automatic mode. We’re being completely controlled and determined by the other person through a shared and agreed upon illusion as the story we act out together with them. This is the most basic form of choice and free will that’s engaged in at a purely unconscious level. We feel as if we have no control over it and are subject to it as a form of victim. We give our power over to the same natural forces that are governing the other person’s behavior.

The way to overcome the laws and events of the lower material plane, is to rise above them to the higher plane governed by complementary laws, and use those laws to counteract the lower ones. The higher plane that’s parallel to this one as the subtle plane of higher consciousness, where the “Higher Self” resides, looking over and guiding us on the lower plane, does so through a form of total detachment from the illusions (emotions) of the lower plane. This higher consciousness, which is also a part of us, operates through what’s called the ‘witnessing’ faculty of the mind, and when employed by perceiving something from a detached perspective that doesn’t make it personal or internalize it, we can ‘see the illusion’ of the situation that the other person is caught up in and perceiving as being real.

When we move into a position and perspective of detachment and look at everything in a non-personal way, we can not only see it clearly as an illusion (because we don’t share it, which is what makes it real for us), but it doesn’t act to produce an effect in us. We’re not stimulated emotionally by it. The emotional charge of it doesn’t enter our mind and body because we don’t resonate with it (we only absorb what we resonate with). We can see it from their perspective in an unemotional and dissociated manner. It doesn’t enter into our mind and body and produce a ‘like’ effect. Once we can view it in a neutral manner without participating in it, we don’t form an emotional reaction to it. It’s only in the emotional reaction that we feel hurt and suffer pain of some kind that causes hatred, resentment, animosity, pain, and the desire for revenge by hurting them back in the same way and to the same degree that they hurt us.

When we can learn how to exercise full control over our own mind and don’t allow it to be controlled by others and natural forces by engaging in emotional dramas that are delusional in nature (made up), we can stay fully conscious and self-aware in even the most intense situations. If we cultivate a constant perception of being detached from the world around us (in it but not of it), realizing that nothing anybody else does has anything to do with us unless we let it, we begin cultivating peace of mind that comes from residing in the truth rather than delusions. When we don’t take things personal, they don’t continue living in us long after the event has past. We don’t harbor ill will against the person and continue to constantly think bad thoughts as a form of retaliation and wanting to strike back, and it doesn’t become a part of our life or serve to define us in any way.

When we’re not hurt by the actions of others because we don’t live in the same reality or personal illusion as they do, there’s no need to forgive because no damage was done. We don’t poison ourselves with the negative thoughts as judgment over another, that’s actually only hurting us. As we imagine we’re judging another through criticizing, hurtful, vindictive thoughts, we are programming ourselves with those thoughts, saturating our body with the chemistry of those thoughts, and proceed to continue creating more experiences of the same nature. We use the reality produced by those thoughts as a perceptual filter to see ‘all’ people through, and we become the “type of person” indicated by our judgments as emotional thoughts. We perceive ourselves through our own judgments as being the complementary polar opposite as the victim (subject to) of another person’s behavior. We become subject to our own judgments as a constant thought process and emotional state produced by those thoughts. We become by way of our own thoughts and emotions as our state of mind (vibratory frequency).

As we program ourselves with our own emotional states, we vibrate at that frequency, and become a magnet for more of “those type of people” who will willingly cooperate in acting out more of the same type of dynamics, giving us more of the same type of feelings, emotions, and experiences. We perceive everyone and everything (including ourselves) out of our perceptual lens and filters created by our thoughts, judgments, and the meaning we give things. We become the mental, emotional, and physical equivalent of our perceptions.

When we detach ourselves from the reality of others, seeing ourselves as not being a part of the same delusion (conditioning), and realize in absolute terms that their behavior says nothing about us but only reveals who they are and what type of issues they’re living out of that they’re mistaken for being real, we remain unaffected by them, and we never form hurtful, negative reactions to them. We never engage in, agree with, and act to cooperatively participate in playing a key role in their imaginary dramas. By realizing they’re only caught up in their own delusions and those of mass consciousness (what they’ve been taught by society), and don’t really have an actual awareness of what they’re doing in the sense that it’s their own creation, not only will you not form any ill will towards them, you can still feel a sense of love for them. Not a personal or romantic love, but the type of love you feel for a child that’s still learning and doesn’t realize what it’s doing in the real sense of things. As Jesus said in the midst of being tormented to death, “forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”. People honestly don’t realize they’re caught up in an illusion of their own making or subject to a form of mass hypnosis.

The perceived need to forgive simply shows you that you’re invested in, and affected by the same delusion as an emotional drama and behavioral dynamic. It can help you to realize things about yourself that may be difficult to see in the light of day. It’ll show you what your own ‘issues’ are that you’re not fully aware of and so still get “taken in” by. And of course it’s easy to see that whenever we harbor and keep alive negative thoughts about another that run through our mind in a compulsive manner, that it keeps us in that “emotional state” and “diminishes” us with the same ideas as the thoughts. We literally ‘become’ the same as our thoughts. When we hate someone, and dwell in the thoughts and emotions of hate, we lend our will to create hate and become hate itself in mind and body. We become a hateful person. We represent hate, and channel our life-force into the reality of hate. We simultaneously hate ourselves by becoming the channel for that reality, and use our will unconsciously to create it as our experience of life.

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Integrative Mind-Body Medicine Consultant and Spiritual Mentor

 

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All Perception is Self-Perception – Projection, Energetic Entanglement, and Morphing

What we Think of Others is a Reflection of Ourselves in them

 

The true nature of what we refer to as “perception”, like consciousness itself, is still largely a mystery in scientific terms. We ask “what is perception”, and how do we form our perceptions? Perception is a product of the mind formed through our paradigm or the mental structure of our mind which is the lens we “look through” to “see”. Our mind literally reformulates everything to match our mental model, making it perceivable as a consistent version of an outer reality that’s translated through our inner reality to be of the same nature, meaning, and significance. We fit everything into a consistent theme as a way of making sense of the world. As a way of understanding it by how we describe it, explain it, justify it, and build it into our story about things in a way that makes sense to us.

The statement that we are one with everything around us, is a literal statement, but not in the way most think. While we share and are constantly exchanging the same particles, molecules, and substances with everyone and everything around us, we’re also exchanging consciousness, and energetically merging with it, becoming one with it, and reforming it through our mental perception of it. We never really see things as they actually are apart from us, but as we remake them through our experience of them. Each person that’s apart of the same event, situation, or observing the same object will experience it differently, and in a way that’s unique to them. This is because we only “see” and recognize in everything else what matches our paradigm, and is brought out in it through the resonating activity of our attention being directed at it, that only vibrates similar aspects of it, reordering it into a new form with the same qualities (consciousness) of our mind. Attention, as directed and concentrated consciousness vibrates at a certain frequency, and is always resonating with what is of the same frequency in everything else, and calling forth what matches it into an active state, while causing other qualities to recede, become passive and latent, reshaping the appearance of things. How things appear to us is a product of our own vibratory frequency as our mental paradigm.

The outer world shape shifts to match the inner world that’s perceiving it. All material matter has the energetic potential to appear different to everyone (the individual mind) that perceives it. Matter itself possesses consciousness as psychic qualities that are always interacting and transforming through induction and repulsion of everything else around it. We change the vibration of a substance just by observing it. Our vibration as a mental paradigm or pattern, enters into the same vibration as a quality in everything around us, and effects it by remixing it’s dominant and recessive qualities, changing how it appears by reformulating its inner state. In this way, the observer and the object being observed are apart of the same event, and can’t be meaningfully separated out. Our perception of others and outer events are a direct reflection and expression of our own mind. We “see” in everything else what’s in us, because our mind is the one doing the seeing. The qualities we see in other things are the qualities that we ourselves possess that we project onto them, then perceive them through. If they possess qualities that we don’t, we fail to see or recognize them, or make them out to be something else instead. We transform their character to match ours by how we reform them in our imagination. We describe, explain, and tell stories about them that have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with us.

calculation

Likewise, every reaction we have to another, is an interaction with ourselves (same characteristics) in them. They possess the same qualities that we do as a dynamic pattern, and the “reaction” is the experience of resonance, or what we call stimulus. We only resonate (react) to the same vibration in another, which not only transforms us to that vibration by making those qualities active and dominant, but transforms them equally to the same qualities and behaviors, which form the basis for the interaction as the outward display of the shared pattern as a behavioral dynamic. Whenever we come into relationship with someone or something else, an immediate pattern emerges as a type of dynamic that becomes the nature of the interaction in an ongoing fashion. Once we realize this, we gain a valuable tool for self-recognition and realization. Anytime we’re forming a distinct interpretation of another person, we can ask ourselves simultaneously, what does this show me about myself?

Our mind, in the most basic sense consists of the conscious (self-aware) and subconscious (unaware) mind. As we go through life, based on experiences in which we were heavily judged in some way as being bad, wrong, not good enough, stupid, guilty, belittled, shamed, and so on, which causes us to deny the things about ourselves being used against us, while also repressing the memories associated with them. While these tendencies are being denied on the surface we still possess them internally, where they become internalized and formed into complexes that we continue to express by projecting them onto others (looking through them to see the same thing in others), and judging them just as harshly, if not more so, than we were judged. The dynamics of repressed issues continue playing out at the subconscious level where we’re not directly aware of what we’re doing, and we continue to produce the behavior and attract those who share the same issues and tendencies, and will cooperate in acting them out in a subliminal manner. Because they’re hidden from our own awareness through a denial of having or being them, they remain hidden from our own awareness of ourselves, yet we readily see the same traits and tendencies in others and continue living out the drama that ensues from them, we can become aware of them in ourselves through simple self-reflection.

perception as creation

 

Once we become aware of the fact that we’re always projecting onto others and seeing in them the same character and tendencies that we have or were conditioned to as children that we’re in denial of, we can use it as the tool for self-development that it offers, and anytime we’re having a strong reaction to someone, or judging them harshly in some way, we can ask ourselves, “if I could see this same behavior, attitude, or tendency in myself . . . what would I see”? Why am I having a reaction, what emotion got triggered, and what idea or memory comes immediately to mind as I react to it? Why does it bother me so much? What is it “about them” that bothers me? If we refrain from actually reacting outwardly, and simply sit with the feeling we have inside and simply observe it, while allowing our reaction to continue internally playing out, we can begin seeing in ourselves what it is that we’re being shown through the other person or event that’s taking place. What are they acting as a mirror for?

Just as “what another person thinks of us, has nothing to do with us”, likewise, what we “think of another person has nothing to do with them, but is all about us”. Our reaction, shows us what our own issues are that’s causing the reaction. How we judge others (through the nature of the reaction) is in the same manner that we were judged. How we act, or treat them, is the same way we were treated while being judged in the same way. We employ the same emotional state, behaviors, tone of voice and attitude, and often even use the same words. As you witness your own reaction from a detached state, as if watching yourself from the perspective of someone else, who or what does it remind you of? If you we’re on the receiving end of your own outward behaviors and attitude, how would you perceive yourself? What kind of person would you see yourself as, and why? Learn to penetrate it through a raw form of honesty, and as you begin gaining awareness of what has been operating in you without your direct awareness, gain realizations around it. See it in yourself as clearly as you can, and “own it”. Don’t continue to justify it or try to explain to yourself “why” you’re like that (usually blaming it on someone else), and just be present with it.

Self-awareness is the beginning steps to healing at the spiritual and psychological level. To begin realizing how your own subconscious mind is operating, allows you to understand what’s happening and what you’re doing, and you can begin working with it in a conscious manner. Become clear on the fact that whenever you’re reacting to someone or something, it has nothing to do with them, but is being “created internally” by you. We can only change what we’re aware of and fully own. Just the awareness itself starts the healing process and begins dissolving your attachment to that memory or idea whenever it’s being played out in your present situation. Self-realization is the key to personal growth and emotional healing.

 

Dr. Linda Gadbois

Personal Transformation Coach and Spiritual Mentor

 

Dr. Linda GadboisAbout the author:
Dr. Linda is an expert in Spiritual Sciences and scholar of Hermetic Sciences and Ancient Wisdom traditions. She’s a professional educator and trainer for all areas of personal transformation, self-creation, mind development, and soul/spiritual evolution. She practices Integrative Medicine with a special emphasis on Psychology and Creative therapies. She conducts ongoing classes, Playshops, and Adventure Seminars, and is available for private or group training, mentoring, and speaking engagements.
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